Till Death
by AddisonSp
Summary: Things don't go as planned on their wedding day. Then again, when have things ever been easy between these two? A story where things are not as they seem. Starts out very dark but ends with no small amount of romance.
1. Chapter 1

**Greetings! Have you ever had a story plot grab you? This has been so pressing that I've been unable to write anything else. **

**A couple of warnings: The contents of this story may be mildly disturbing. Every attempt has been made to handle them with sensitivity. **

* * *

Their day had finally arrived, and Castle could hardly believe it. The church was tastefully adorned with Kate's favorite flowers. The musicians were seated in the corner, rehearsing before the guests started to arrive. The live symphony had been a compromise. Kate hadn't wanted a band, she'd wanted a DJ. However, Castle wanted live music. So in the end they'd decided that the ceremony would be filled with live music and the reception a DJ.

Violinists would play for their guests, would accompany the bridal procession and would play the couple's exit after their vows. _After our vows_, Castle thought to happily himself, reflecting once again on the long journey they'd taken to one another. He could hardly believe their day had arrived. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, straightening his tie once again as he turned to look at his two best men.

Both Ryan and Esposito sat beside him. They'd come to the church early, sitting in the front pew a solid 2 hours before the ceremony was set to begin. In his haste, Castle had arisen early, run errands and gotten dressed in full tuxedo, unable to stop himself from preparing for this moment. The result was that he was ready to go by 10am. The ceremony wasn't until 2.

Surprising all of them, Esposito reached into a bag he'd brought into the church, pulling out three beers.

"I thought the occasion called for a toast." He noted, smiling at his two best friends, one a father and the other about to become a husband. This may have been Castle's third time, but they all knew it was the only one that would matter. It was the last one, and it was the one that would last.

"Really, Javi? You brought beer into St. Michaels Church of the Holy Sacrament?" The Irish detective exclaimed with a mixture of guilt and amusement. He looked around them, as if expecting one of the nuns from his schooling days would jump out- ruler in hand and prepared to place the fear of god into the three of them.

Esposito simply shrugged, "Our boy could use a cold one, don't you think?" He suggested, noting how keyed up Castle really was in the moment. He was pacing the altar of the empty sanctuary.

* * *

For her part, Kate wasn't in any better condition. The butterflies in her stomach flapped wildly as she went about her morning routine. Except this was unlike any routine she'd been through before. Her girls were there, her family.

Alexis and Lanie, her bride's maid and maid of honor respectively, were with her. Martha was also there, offering support and encouragement as she imagined Kate's own mother would offer on this day if she could have been there.

She'd spent the night at her old apartment; the apartment that would soon be designated to Alexis considering her breakup with Pi and desire for independence. After an afternoon at the spa, of manicures and pedicures, the women had retired to Kate's apartment. As if some tradition, Kate wanted to spend her last night as a single woman apart from her future husband. In fact, it had been quite some time since she'd spent the night with Castle. She smiled, feeling a familiar and excited ache low in her belly, an ache that signified that it had been _way too_ long since she'd been with her lover. She couldn't help but laugh. Afterall, it had been her fault.

"_Castle, I've been thinking". She spoke to him one night as they worked in tandem to prepare their dinner. He prepared the stir-fry as she continued to chop vegetables to add to the mix. _

"_Hmmm." Castle leaned in to kiss her cheek, "I like it when you've been thinking. You're sexy when you think." He flirtatiously brushed his hand along her hip and skimmed her backside before returning to the skillet in front of him._

"_Yeah, well… I'm not sure you're going to think this is too sexy. In fact, I'm not sure you'll enjoy it at all." Kate spoke with some hesitation. _

_Castle turned the flames on his gas stove down to low, "You have my attention now, Kate." He spoke, no small amount of trepidation in his voice. _

"_Nothing's wrong Rick," She began, "It's just that I've been thinking a lot lately about the wedding…about our honeymoon." _

"_Ahhh." He spoke dreamily, "Italy. I can't wait to take in the Amalfi Coast with you. One of the few places that I've never gone. Beach front hotel, black and sandy, smooth stones of the Mediterranean sea. Positano. God, I can't wait, Kate. I can't wait for so many things." He spoke with no small hint of lust in his voice as he wrapped his arms around her waist. _

"_That's just it, Castle. I want our honeymoon to be special. I want our first time as a married couple to be meaningful." She suggested. _

"_Why, Katherine Beckett, are you speaking of our marital consummation?" He asked with a scandalous lilt to his voice, earning him a jab from her elbow. Still, she nodded to him. _

"_I think we should wait." She stated. _

"_Wait for what?" He countered, reaching around her to pluck a carrot from the cutting board and tossing it into his mouth._

"_You, know. I want to build up some excitement, I want our first time as a married couple to be…highly anticipated." _

"_Oh, detective, I do anticipate it. Highly." He planted a kiss against the side of her neck and shifted his hips against her backside for effect. She smiled, flirtatiously pushing him back once more. _

"_I just mean- I think we would anticipate it more if we waited. You know, until we got married…build up some of that delicious tension." She spoke, remembering how hot they'd burned after their six week separation in DC; How they'd been insatiable in their first months as a couple. She wanted her honeymoon to have some of that, and worried that things would get mundane if they'd continued having sex up until the day. _

"_So let me get this straight, you want to abstain from sex-altogether, until our wedding night?" He asked somewhat incredulously. _

_Kate nodded. "Yeah, why Castle? Don't think you can hold out?" She teased him. _

"_Oh, now-detective. Remember which one of us waited 4 years. It isn't me that I'm concerned about…I don't think YOU can manage." He ran his fingers teasingly up her side, caressing her breast as he went, _

"_afterall. Women have needs." He spoke in a low voice. She rolled her eyes at his obvious attempt to get under her skin. _

"_Me?" She spoke flatly. "Are you being serious?" She couldn't believe he was insinuating that he could go cold turkey, but she wouldn't._

"_Well, let's face it, detective. You do have a tendency to rip my clothes off from time to time, and let's face it. I AM irresistible." She rolled her eyes, "the only thing I find irresistible is the urge to smack you from time to time." She threw back at him. _

"_Care to make this interesting?" He ventured. _

"_Are you betting me on who can abstain the longest?" Kate's interest was piqued. _

_He nodded, "Let's just say that I've been eyeing some potential…items…of lingerie for the honeymoon. If I win, and you cave first…you have to wear whatever I decide." _

"_If I win? What do I get WHEN you cave first?" Kate pushed him. _

"_You pick what you wear, of course." Kate smirked at him, already turned on by his proposition. _

"_What happens if we both abstain?" She pressed him, unconsciously gripping the sides of his shirt. _

"_Well, how about we go shopping together…we pick out some pieces that we both enjoy…we decide together…" _

_Kate smiled, biting her lip excitedly. "You've got yourself a deal, Mr. Castle." _

"_Indeed, I do, Future Mrs. Castle." _

* * *

They'd made it, although the process of picking out lingerie together nearly did them both in. Hell, Kate was pretty sure that their behavior was dangerously close to resulting in a permanent ban from the boutique.

Nevertheless, both resisted and Kate was beyond excited to be with him once again. She ached for it in fact. They'd gone and picked out several items, and she was bound to one of their mutual choices. However, in the end it would be her choice of which item she'd wear. There would be some surprise for him.

She knew he would be surprised, as instead of going with the kinky black and red leather, she'd gone with the soft and flowing, lace topped chemise. All white, all bridal and terribly sexy. She blushed to herself as she sat in the bridal suite, the hair dresser working her hair into intricate curls that would surround her veil.

Lanie and Alexis were already dressed, matching lavender floor length gowns that accented both of their figures in a tasteful, yet beautiful manner. Martha was also adorned in purple, a darker shade but nevertheless in theme with the wedding colors. All light enough to accent the spring in New York, with a hint of whimsical that came with silver accents- much like Kate's wedding dress.

The Couture gown was hung against the door, waiting for her to step into it after hair and makeup was completed. Once her veil was placed she turned to look at the women in the room, standing from the chair to get a full glance of herself in the mirror.

It was odd to see herself in full hair and makeup, the veil now pinned in place and accented with small, silver-lined flowers that had been woven in for effect, yet still in yoga pants and a button up shirt. She couldn't help but laugh as Alexis snapped a photograph with her phone. Soon there would be a photographer, but Alexis was bound and determined to snap some candid shots of Kate getting ready.

"I think it's time." Martha whispered to her, looking at her watch and seeing that it was nearing 1pm.

Kate took a deep breath and nodded, it was time.

With the help of all three women, she stepped into her wedding dress, allowing Lanie to fasten the back while Martha supported her future daughter-in-law's balance and Alexis helped her to slip into her heels.

"I think your dad will be disappointed that I'm not wearing my usual, 6 inch heels." She spoke jokingly.

"I don't think it will be possible for my dad to be disappointed." Alexis stated with reverence as she leaned back from her position at Kate's feet to take the bride in. Beckett leaned down to take Alexis by the hands, pulling her to stand and kissing her softly on the cheek.

After a moment, Martha took Kate's hand and led her to the three-way mirror.

"You, my darling, are a vision." The older woman spoke, tears building in her eyes.

"Be careful of the veil", Lanie spoke, her voice laden with emotion as she adjusted the material with Kate's movements. Beckett couldn't help but smile, in awe that this day, her wedding day, had finally arrived.

"Ooh. One more thing." Martha added, coming to stand behind Kate as she pulled beautiful, crystal and diamond necklace across the detective's neck.

"Oh my goodness, Martha!" Kate was speechless.

"I wore this on the night I won my first Tony award. I thought that if I had a daughter…well, you know…"

Kate was touched, she pulled Martha in for a hug, never more grateful for waterproof mascara in her life.

A soft knock came at the door, alerting the four women at once. Alexis made her way over, cracking to take a peak, ensuring that her father was not there to break tradition. The young woman simply smiled as she pulled the door open, turning to Kate.

"someone's here to see you." She stated as she allowed Jim Beckett to enter into the room.

He stepped in but was soon frozen in place, taking in the sight of his only daughter, his little girl, in her wedding dress.

"Katie. You look so beautiful." He found his feet again and moved quickly across the room, embracing his daughter while using care to not alter her veil.

"So much like your mother." He whispered into her ear, causing Kate's eyes to water as she once again thought about her mother. She had never been far from Kate's mind that day.

"She wore this." He produced a simple yet elegant bracelet from his pocket, causing Kate's eyes to swell once again. _How am I going to walk down the aisle and recite my vows without losing it if every ten seconds I'm crying?_ She wondered to herself, a bit overwhelmed by the moment.

"It is stunning, dad."

"It's perfect." Lanie added, helping Kate to slide the light-weight silver and crystal jewels onto her wrist.

"Now." Martha began, "Something Old-" She motioned to the bracelet, "Something New." She caressed the sleeve of Kate's wedding dress, "Something borrowed," She ran her fingers across the necklace she'd placed on the detective's neck…"and…"

"And something blue." Alexis jumped in, handing her future step-mother the bouquet of flowers, accented with tiny blue buds."

Kate smiled at all of them, entirely overwhelmed by their love and support.

"If you don't mind, may I just have a few minutes?" She asked them all kindly. She felt the need to be alone with her mom, just one last time before the ceremony.

They all nodded in understanding, stepping out of the room one at a time and making their way to the entrance of the church where they would all line up.

"I'll be waiting for you Katie." Her dad motioned, "ready to walk you down that aisle." She smiled and nodded to him.

Once alone, Kate breathed a sigh, closing her eyes and trying to bring her emotions-her nerves into check. She once again took in her reflection, feeling that similar sensation, as if her mom was right behind her.

Kate closed her eyes, the familiar feelings of doubt and panic setting in. _I don't know that I can do this without you. _She thought to herself, speaking to her mother really. She tried to take it in stride, but was grappling with the sadness that had threatened to take hold all day.

It wasn't until Kate opened her eyes again that the real panic set in.

* * *

The guests had arrived and were seated, equal attendees on Kate and Castle's sides. They'd agreed to keep it an intimate affair, only inviting those that were truly near and dear to them. The priest, the same who had baptized Kate as an infant was present. He'd agreed to perform the ceremony when they'd assured him that they were living in separate apartments.

It wasn't a lie in all honesty, as they'd soon found that their no sex arrangement would never work if they slept in the same bed. Although the priest was under no impression that he was marrying two virgins, he was happy enough that Katie was finally at peace and readily agreed to perform the ceremony.

The music started and soon Martha was escorted to her seat in the front row. She stopped to kiss her son on the cheek, "finally got it right, kiddo." She whispered lovingly.

"I love you too." He mouthed to her as she took her seat. He watched next as Ryan escorted his little girl down the aisle, taken aback by how beautiful she looked. He was amazed by how grown up she was. It filled him with a twinge of sadness, yet a sense of excitement. There was a new life, a bright future in store for all of them, and he couldn't see what changes would come to their family.

Next he watched as Esposito escorted Lanie down the aisle. They really were a beautiful couple, and now that they appeared closer than ever, Castle hoped this wedding would do the trick and finally allow them to stop denying the inevitable. He couldn't help but laugh at himself, as he and Kate weren't exactly ideal role models for giving in to the inevitable. Afterall, it had taken 6 years to get to this place.

Still, as he waited for his bride to appear, he couldn't help but think back on everything. He thought of every smile, every touch, all the tears and the yelling, the heartbreak, the near misses, the soft caresses and passionate kisses. He wouldn't change a thing, as long as it meant that he would end up here…with her.

The wedding music began to play and he took a deep breath…waiting.

Nothing happened.

The processional continued to play, the violinists looking to one another in confusion as the music continued but no bride appeared.

Castle swallowed nervously. _Where is she?_ He looked to Ryan and Esposito, then to Lanie and Alexis. All had equal looks of concern and confusion.

Finally the door opened to reveal Jim Beckett standing alone. He shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry." He mouthed to Rick.

Then the music stopped.

* * *

**First, don't shoot. Just Wait. **

**Second, I'm really excited to write this story, and oddly terrified that writers are going to pull something exactly like this….or at least like what is to come in the next few chapters. In fact, I imagine it is such a possibility that a lot of you have already guessed what will come. **

**This entire season feels like a false lull, we're being taken along on this flawless wedding planning (although I don't like the dress and find the song, while lovely, isn't what I would picture for a wedding). Nevertheless, this plot has been haunting me- so I thought I would write it down. **

**Please feel free to review as long as it is a review for THIS STORY. **

**Finally, if anyone wants to take the * _C&B vow to abstain before their wedding_ plot and have some fun, feel free! **


	2. Chapter 2

Rick Castle sat at the bar of the old haunt, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of scotch. She'd done it. He couldn't believe she'd done it. Of all the cowardly things to do, Kate Beckett had stood him up at the altar. He hadn't even bothered to remove his tux.

As Jim Beckett stared sadly at him from down the aisle, he'd simply been in shock. At first he thought it was a cruel joke, but when Kate never materialized by her father's side he knew it was true. He simply tore the rose boutonniere that he'd been wearing from his lapel, threw it to the floor of the church and walked out; leaving the shocked guests to fend for themselves.

He'd even checked the bridal suite, half expecting her to be there waiting- full of excuses and apologies. However, she was not there. She'd gone, and if there was any doubt about her decision, she'd left a note for him confirming her desire to escape.

She'd run away and with her, she'd taken his one last shot at happily ever after. Marriage truly was a sham and he was the biggest fool of all. He thought back on the day again, allowing the pain to gradually be drowned out as he took another shot of whiskey. Soon he wouldn't feel anything. Richard Castle was determined to shut the world out as he once again nursed the shattered heart that Kate Beckett had left in her wake.

* * *

Back in the bridal suite, Lanie gathered the detective's things. She was confused, disappointed and heart-broken for Castle's sake. Kate Beckett had done some pretty pig-headed things in her life, but she'd never been cruel. Leaving her fiancé at the altar was simply unforgivable. The medical examiner simply didn't understand.

It wasn't until she rounded the mirror that she saw a message, written in Kate's lipstick.

"_I'm Sorry. I couldn't do it." _

Tears gathered in Lanie's eyes. "You picked a hell of a time to tell us that, Kate." She muttered to herself as she pushed her things, her makeup, bobby pins, the clothes she'd worn to the suite, into a duffel bag. She then noticed the bracelet on the floor.

Bending over to pick it up, she was filled with a sense of confusion.

"Can I help?" Alexis offered from the doorway.

Lanie was startled, "Um, yeah. That would be great. We've got to get this room cleared out." Lanie shoved the bracelet into the bag with the rest of Kate's things as Alexis chipped in, boxing up the hair supplies and gathering the various odds and ends that had been placed in the room that morning.

"I can't believe I let her in, I trusted her." Alexis spoke, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"I don't know what happened here." Lanie spoke sadly, still unable to make sense of it. She couldn't even defend her friend, because it simply made no sense.

"Oh, how nice- she left a letter." Alexis noted as she looked upon the lipstick in the mirror. She pulled out her phone and snapped a photo before wiping the glass down. She didn't know why she wanted the photo. Perhaps she would use it against Kate if she ever tried to worm her way back into their family.

Finally the room was cleared.

"Let's get out of here." The young woman spoke, no longer wanting to think about Kate Beckett and the pain she'd caused today. The only one who would be picking up the pieces of her father's shattered heart would be her now.

* * *

While Ryan sought out Castle at the old haunt, Esposito drove Lanie Back to Kate's apartment to drop her things off. "I imagine he'll want her things out of the loft as soon as possible." Esposito spoke to Lanie as they drove.

The medical examiner nodded, "I still can't believe she could do this." She spoke.

"Me neither. I mean, Kate has her issues, but she's never been a coward." Soon both were lost in their thoughts. Not another word was spoken until they arrived at Kate's place.

It briefly occurred to them that Kate may have come here, seeking out a familiar setting in her moment of panic. That was soon put to rest as they entered the empty apartment, left exactly as it was that morning. Never in a million years would Lanie have predicted the day ending like this.

She'd pictured them all at a reception. She would watch as the couple danced, deliriously happy in one another's arms as they moved with the music. There would be laughter and music, and no small amount of alcohol, but never this.

"She was so excited this morning. I mean, she had the normal jitters, but nothing that would have suggested she'd run." Lanie stated, still not making sense.

"Did you try to call her?" Esposito asked.

"I didn't have a pocket in my dress; my phone was buried in my purse…which is in the bottom of one of these boxes." She motioned to one of the two boxes they held.

"I know that her dad tried, and Alexis." Lanie spoke as she dug through the assorted supplies.

"Ryan and I both tried too, but got no answer." Javier added as he helplessly watched. He took in the large painting on Kate's wall. It depicted a woman whose world was crashing down upon her. It was a woman that they'd all thought Kate had left behind. Evidently they'd been wrong.

"Do you think she left a message for you?" Esposito asked Lanie hopefully. Afterall, the medical examiner was arguably the closest person to Kate- aside from Castle.

Lanie shrugged, mentally berating herself for not checking her phone sooner. Soon, she located her purse and pulled out the phone, checking it to reveal no missed calls and no new messages. She nodded sadly.

"Damnit, Beckett." Esposito cursed.

* * *

They drove Alexis home. Lanie helped her take some supplies to the loft, primarily things that belonged to Alexis and Martha. As they entered the loft they spotted Martha, sitting at the counter and sipping a glass of red wine silently.

"Grams." Alexis ran to the older woman, sighing as she came into the safety of her grandmother's embrace.

"Where is dad?" She questioned.

"I imagine he's out on the town, drowning his sorrows." She ran her finger's through Alexis' long hair absent-mindedly. "No worries darling, detective Ryan is with him and has assured that he'll get home safely. After today I think he deserves to drink himself into oblivion."

"I'm so sorry for all of you." Lanie expressed with regret. "Kate is my best friend, but I never saw this coming. I never thought she would pull something like this."

"Lanie Parish," Martha set her wine glass down and moved to the medical examiner, "you are in no way responsible for Katherine's decisions or actions. If there were signs then we all missed them." She pulled Lanie in for a brief hug.

"Now, let's get this stuff out of sight before Richard comes home. I've tried to move the wedding gifts, but there are simply too many."

* * *

Before heading home Lanie stopped for a drink, sitting at the bar and waiting for Esposito to join her there. As she sat she once again scrolled through her phone. No recent calls, no voicemails and no text messages. Lanie selected Kate's contact information once again and rang her best friend.

As was the case last time, it went straight to voicemail.

" Kate. You need to call me back. What you did was _not _ok and you cannot simply leave your friends to clean up the mess that _you_ made here. Do you have any idea how much that man loved you? How much his family loved you? What on earth would possess you?" Lanie took a breath, recalling that she was not actually talking to Kate, but ranting on a voicemail. She sighed to herself.

"Just call me, ok?" She pressed END and slammed her phone on the counter.

_Damnit Kate. Why? _She thought again sadly, taking a long sip from her glass. Not only had she left without warning, but she didn't even have the decency to call. All she left was a cheap note written in lipstick on a mirror to offer some explanation. The medical examiner had never been so disappointed in her best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

"She was supposed to be the one." Castle spoke broken-heartedly as Ryan listened. The writer was beyond drunk now. His speech was slurred and he was no longer speaking to anyone in particular.

"You know we planned on having children? We were going to be a family. Meredith and I never discussed having children. Alexis was a complete surprise…and Gena…" Castle huffed to himself ironically, "Gena couldn't be bothered with such things. " He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts for a moment. Ryan began to think he'd forgotten altogether when Castle spoke again.

"No…Kate…Kate and I were going to have a family." He threw back another shot, pushing his glass back to the bar tender. The man eyed him warily, but poured again when Ryan nodded to him. The Irish Detective would see him home safely. Hell, if Jenny had left him at the altar he'd have been in much worse state than this.

"What do you do when your world collapses?" Rick asked to no one in particular. He then raised his glass, "You drink to it!" He shouted.

"Here's to betrayal. Here's to being a coward. Here's to the love of your life ripping your heart out of your chest and stomping on it for good measure." The other tenants simply looked curiously at Castle.

"Don't worry." He spoke to all of them, or none of them, in his drunken state. "You'll soon all understand- it will be on page 6 tomorrow, I guarantee it." He was a mess, his five-o-clock shadow evident and the buttons of his shirt undone. The jacket of his tuxedo had been discarded somewhere along the way and Ryan had no idea where the bow tie had gone.

"Writer left at alter by Muse…." He took another shot of whiskey, his words now slurring…"story writes itself." More and more patrons eyed him with interest, and Ryan could see that they were starting to put the pieces together. As the points and whispers grew, the detective decided it was time to act.

"Ok, Castle." Ryan moved, "Let's get you home." He kindly asked the bar tender to call a cab and escorted the disoriented writer out onto the street for fresh air.

The cab ride was short and quiet, and Ryan was beginning to think that the alcohol was having a sedative effect on the writer. However, he was proven wrong once they entered the loft. He seemed to be quite placated at first. Then he saw something of Kate's. Glasses were thrown, wedding presents that Alexis and Martha hadn't hidden were torn apart and tossed about, and Kate's things were thrown across the room as the drunken author tried to rid himself of all things Beckett.

It was nearly an hour before he'd calmed Castle enough to sit him down, and once the energy was gone sleep soon followed. Martha and Alexis helped him to bed and began to put the loft back together, removing all they could of Kate Beckett while Castle slept the alcohol off.

They hadn't thought to remove the seashells from the wall.

* * *

She awoke gradually, blinking away the confusion and groggy sensation as she tried to orient herself. Her head hurt, the pain increasing with great intensity each time she tried to lift it. After several attempts she simply stopped, allowing her head to come and rest against the pillow. Kate blinked the sleep from her eyes, swallowing to note that her throat hurt. She was thirsty.

She was parched and her head hurt. _Am I hung over?_ She wondered to herself, still not coherent in her thoughts. Kate couldn't quite recall where she was or how she'd gotten there. She blinked again, still not making sense of anything. _Where is Castle?_ She wondered, somewhat absent-mindedly in her still semi-awake state. It was as if part of her thought he would be in bed beside her.

The room was dimly lit and she didn't recognize it. She moved slightly but felt resistance. There was something heavy and cold against her ankle. She stared down at the pillow, noticing an unfamiliar and dingy smell, and then taking in the old and dirty mattress, solid stripes running up the fabric.

Next she noticed the metal frame of the twin bed. Something was definitely wrong. _Where am I?_ She wondered, still a little too dazed to sense any real trepidation. She was more concerned with remembering and less with assessing her current situation. Her neck hurt, and she sensed a burning, or perhaps a stinging sensation below her left ear. She wasn't sure whether it burned or stung, perhaps both. Kate Beckett wasn't sure of anything. Her mind wandered across mundane topics as her brain tried to sort itself out. Perhaps she was dreaming.

She ran her fingers along her sleeve, tracing the silver patterning along the lace-intricate and pleasing to her eyes as she tried to make sense once again of her surroundings. She inhaled deeply, the dry mouth getting worse, but her head feeling better as the heaviness faded a bit. Concentrating on the intricate patterns of her sleeve helped. She pulled it down with her fingers, allowing it to partially cover her wrist as she continued to trace her fingers along the silver lines woven into the lacy fabric there. It was then that she became truly aware of what she was looking at-of the pattern, that_ pattern-that sleeve. Oh yes, _she thought curiously to herself_, my wedding dress. _A few more minutes passed and then reality began to settle.

_Oh my God..._She bolted upright, completely alert. _I'm wearing my dress! _She took a moment as the room spun with her sudden movement. Kate took it all in, the small and dingy room, the shackle on her left ankle that prevented her from moving any further, and above all else- the wedding dress that she wore. The silver patterning that adorned the lace of the bodice. The dress she was supposed to be married in. She held her hands up, relieved to find them both free.

Her hair was utter chaos, bobby pins sticking about as she felt random strands falling about. It was all out of place. Her veil was still there. She noticed that her jewelry- Martha's necklace and her mother's bracelet, was gone. _Was I robbed?_ She dismissed the thought quickly. A robbery didn't explain where she was or how she'd gotten there.

_Where the hell am I? _She was filled with a sense of panic as the reality of her situation settled in.

Kate took the room in. She noticed the walls were padded and there were no windows. The only light provided was a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. A dingy toilet was next to the bed, although she couldn't tell if it was connected to any plumbing. It looked like it belonged in some outhouse. Tears stung in the back of her eyes. She tried to kneel upright on the bed to gain a better vantage point but soon found the room started to spin again. She hit the mattress with a thud as the dizziness once again swept over. She had no way of determining if it was day or night. _How long have I been out? _She wondered.

"Hello?" She screamed. No answer.

Kate struggled, she contorted her body as much as possible for any leverage. She tried to dislodge her foot from the manacle, but it was simply to large, too heavy, too strong. After several minutes of unsuccessful struggle she could sense the skin on her ankle beginning to burn, rubbed raw- tearing. Stillness filled her once again.

"Hello? Please, is anybody there?" She screamed again, only to be met by silence.

Kate tried to clear her head once again. It was clear to her that she'd been drugged, what wasn't clear was who had done so.

_What the hell happened? _She thought to herself, alone in her wedding dress, trapped in some cold, damp room by an unknown assailant.

"Castle..." She whispered helplessly, the single light bulb dangling from the ceiling casting shadows across her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Castle woke gradually on Sunday morning. At first he reached for her, seeking out her warmth to only find emptiness. It was in that moment that he remembered, the pounding head setting in at precisely the same moment as the bitterness. He'd never been so hurt, so angry, so wounded in his life.

Kate Beckett was far from perfect, and she'd made poor decisions in the past where they were concerned. Hell, she'd even _run_ in the past. Still, he'd thought they were past that. He thought they were more than that. He thought _he _was more than that to her. He was wrong.

He pulled himself out of bed and padded toward the kitchen, seeking out water, pills…comfort. Seeking out anything to help him _not _feel how he was feeling. He looked around the living room, noticing the absence of many of the boxes, the gifts that had been delivered in the days before the wedding. He also noticed that several of his vases were gone. As he walked towards the kitchen he saw a Tupperware container filled with shards of broken glass, ceramics and a variety of other things.

_Oh. _He thought to himself. Last night couldn't have been pretty.

He turned to find Alexis padding quietly down the stairs. She kissed him softly on the cheek.

"How are you feeling?" She asked sympathetically.

"Like I've been hit by a truck." He responded.

"I'll make you some coffee." She offered.

"Don't bother sweetheart." He spoke, smiling softly to his daughter, "I don't think I can handle anything right now." Alexis knew he wasn't only talking about his stomach.

Castle wandered back to his bedroom, sitting alone on the bed. All he wanted to do was shut out the world. He looked around, noticing that Kate's stuff was gone. _Was she here?_ He was once again filled with bitterness at the thought that she would sneak in, take her stuff and sneak out. He rose once again, making his way into his office and the bottle of scotch there.

He sat at his desk, willing himself to forget, and using the alcohol to aid him when he found he couldn't do so himself.

* * *

_She sat silently, staring out the window of her new apartment. Things were business as usual on the city streets below; only they weren't her city streets and this wasn't her city. She'd been able to adjust quite well, moving her things and settling in before she was to start her new job._

_Kate looked from the window to the man currently occupying her kitchen. As she watched him prepare their morning coffee she had to fight back tears. She knew that this would be the last time that he would make her coffee for the foreseeable future. _

_This was her burden to bear, the price she paid for an advancement in her career. It was still hard to imagine life without him. She played absent-mindedly with the engagement ring on her finger, a reminder of the fact that this was all only temporary. This wasn't the end of their story, and their goodbye today would not be final. _

_Nevertheless, with his book tour taking him to the other side of the country for over a month, she was going to have to learn to live without him. Kate found it odd. The benefit of keeping one foot out the door in her past relationships was that she'd been able to avoid the profound sense of loss that she was currently feeling. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept alone, at least not since they'd become romantically involved. The truth was she didn't want to remember. She just wanted him. _

_Kate pulled the blanket on the back of her couch around her shoulders, looking out the window once again. She felt the dip in the couch and turned as he placed their coffee cups on the side table, smiling at the hearts he'd created in the foam. God she loved this man. He stretched his legs out across the couch, allowing her to shift between them and lay back against his chest._

_Castle laced their fingers together, skimming his thumb across her engagement ring. "It's only for a few weeks." He spoke. _

_She hadn't mentioned anything about their pending separation, but he could sense in her mood, the increasing introverted and contemplative nature she'd taken in the past few days. "I know" she answered, snuggling further into his warm and comforting arms. He lined her neck with soft, open-mouthed kisses and brushed his fingers lightly along the shell of her ear. _

"_How about we make the most of the time we have left?" He whispered, causing her to smile. Kate never felt more secure, more loved than she did in these moments, snuggled up in his arms. She let out a sigh after inhaling his scent once again, memorizing the feel of him beneath her. Slowly she drifted off, a contented smile on her face. _

She blinked, raising her head to look around in confusion. She found herself reaching for Castle, confused that she was not in his arms and on her couch in DC before gradually becoming aware, once again, of her precarious situation. _It was just a dream. _She sighed. He wasn't here, and she didn't know where _here_ was.

Kate sat up in the bed. Her head was much clearer than the last time she'd awakened and Kate could only suspect that whatever drug she'd been given had worn off. She tried to shift the skirt of her dress, as she'd become tangled up in it during her sleep. As she brushed it aside she once again inspected her ankle, and the chain connected to it.

The area was red and Beckett could see several spots where she'd torn her skin, causing the ankle to bleed in her attempts to free herself. Now that she was fully alert and oriented she looked once again, only confirming that there was no way she was getting out of the contraption. She had no tools whatsoever.

In fact, she had nothing. There was absolutely nothing in the room, only dingy and padded walls. She was experienced enough to figure out that the padding was likely to sound proof the room. It was probable that no one would hear her. The bed was set in the corner of the room and she noticed that there wasn't padding on that wall. She reached out to touch the cold cement there. _Where the hell am I?_ She wondered once again.

She thought about Castle. Surely they all knew she was missing. Surely they would be looking for her. She threw her legs tentatively over the side of the mattress, feeling the cold cement floor beneath her bare feet. The chain on her ankle was attached to the side of the bed and the bed was firmly bolted to the floor. She had enough room to walk from the bed to the small toilet, but little else.

She could see the solid door, but she couldn't reach it. Attempting to maneuver in the dress once again, she kneeled to gain a glimpse of anything that might be under the bed. What she found was water. A lot of water. There were more gallon jugs of water than she could count. She pulled one out, removing the cap to smell it. Nothing seemed off and she was incredibly parched.

Feeling she had no other choice, she took a sip. It didn't taste off and she could read the label indicating that it was filtered. She allowed herself to take a gulp, satisfying the desperate need she had to drink. Soon she lay back on the bed. She ran through the last things she could remember again and again, attempting to unlock whatever secret that might shed light on her current situation. The last thing she could remember was her father, smiling at her and closing the door.

Soon she began to feel drowsy again, the dimly lit room offering little to distract her from her thoughts. As her mind became dull and her head heavy, she laid herself back down. The last thing she noted before falling asleep was that the air was cold and damp. She was glad to have her wedding dress, as the heaviness of the fabric seemed to keep her warm.

* * *

The boys arrived at the precinct first thing Monday morning, waiting for Beckett to show herself. While she was many things, and they had no shortage of derogatory terms to pick from, Kate was foremost a cop. There was no way she'd not show up for work. After speaking with Martha, gaining an update on Castle's consistently drunken state, they were assured that he would not be joining them that morning.

It gave them the perfect opportunity to corner her, to figure out what she'd been thinking. They desperately wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but were having a hard time doing so. She hadn't even bothered to call.

By 8:30 there was no sign of her and genuine concern was setting in. Gates arrived and stared at them both, expecting Beckett to appear any moment.

"She's not here sir." Esposito stated, unable to offer any more explanation. Gates had been at the wedding, she was well aware of what happened. While disappointed in Kate's behavior, it wasn't her place to judge decisions in her personal life.

However, this was her precinct and now Kate Beckett was her business. She eyed them suspiciously, but was confident that they weren't withholding information. Still, something didn't sit right. All three jumped slightly as the phone rang.

Ryan picked up and listened, taking down the information before confirming they were on their way.

"Murder?" Esposito questioned.

"Yep, and not too far from Castle." He noted, looking at the address he'd written on the yellow post-it note.

The boys sighed in frustration. The mystery of Beckett, and her poor decisions, would have to wait.

* * *

**For those wondering, why wouldn't someone guess that something was wrong? Would they? I went back and forth in writing this. Given her history, given the note left, would they honestly suspect? I would like to believe they would- but could understand them not, especially at this juncture. **


	5. Chapter 5

** AN: Thank you for your feedback on this story, and I'm glad you agree that some things are out of character. It is difficult to tell whether deliberate things come across- regardless, I appreciate your keeping me on my toes and making me a better writer. ****  
**

**Disclaimer: I have no legal right to Castle, and would never infringe on the creative process and incredible work ethic of the writers, directors, cast and crew. Finally, there is ****no financial gain from my stories. They're simply a mechanism to cope with stress of daily life, as is the case for many of my readers :) **

* * *

Castle awoke gradually the next morning, his head pounding due to the constant onslaught of self-pity and alcohol. He could hear hushed voices coming from the next room and wished that they would be quiet. Even whispers felt too loud for his throbbing head. He sighed heavily, noticing the bottle of water and aspirin that had been laid out for him the night before. He ventured a look to the window.

Judging from the light and the shadows he guessed it was midday. Again the heard the insistent whispers, hushed but intense nevertheless. He moaned, sitting up to feel his stomach lurch. He guessed it had been nearly 48 hours since he'd ingested anything other than alcohol. Castle made a move for the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and sure that he was going to vomit. Nothing.

He took some pride in his ability to keep things down considering the amount of alcohol he'd consumed, considering the past 48 hours in general. He rubbed his shoulders and turned on the shower. Stepping under the stream he scrubbed himself. The water was nearly scalding, but he didn't care. He wanted to scour the weekend from his skin, from his memory.

His throat felt like cotton, burning with a need for water, but he didn't move. He couldn't move. Castle didn't want to leave the warmth and security of the shower. He didn't want to face the reality of the outside world. He wasn't ready yet.

He lost track of time in the shower, finally making a move to leave when the water ran cold. He managed a clean pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt before tossing his robe on. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and took a deep breath as he prepared to join the world again.

Judging from the voices he knew it wasn't just his mother and Alexis, but Ryan and Esposito too. As he came into the living room he was surprised to find Lanie and captain Gates there as well.

"Look, it isn't that I don't appreciate your support, but I'm not really in the mood to be entertaining-"

"Mr. Castle. Sit down." Gates spoke authoritatively.

He did so, grabbing a stool by the counter. Even in his own home, even after the worst day of his life, even when hung over, Victoria Gates still managed to strike fear into the heart of Richard Castle. Nevertheless, the writer's head still spun, causing him to lean over and rest it on his arm.

"Bro- there's something that we need to tell you." Esposito began.

"I don't want to hear it. Whatever excuse she's given you…I'm done." Castle supplied.

Martha placed a cup of coffee on the counter in front of him as Rick once again raised his head to rest on his hand, nursing the pounding there. "You're going to need this, kiddo." His mother offered, a hint of both fear and exasperation in her voice.

He took a sip, taken aback momentarily by the bitterness, but soon refreshed all the same. Perhaps he really did have an iron stomach afterall. The thought filled him with pride once again.

"Look, Castle. There was a murder this morning." Ryan began, Lanie and Gates joining him around the counter.

"I think it is safe to say I'm off the team." Castle wryly spoke, taking another sip. As he continued to feel a little more confidant in his stomach he reckoned that maybe some dry toast was in order.

"You're going to want to see this one Bro." Esposito offered.

"Dr. Parish, would you do the honors?" Gates requested.

"We found a woman this morning, early to mid 30's, brunette, strangled." Lanie began.

For the first time Castle's head shot up, clear fear in his eyes. He'd been so caught up in his own anger and grief, it hadn't occurred to him that harm could have befallen Kate.

"It isn't her." Lanie quickly clarified, "but the strangulation marks, the green and white nylon rope used…"

"He's back." Castle concluded. The writer wished that he could be surprised, but he'd warned them. He'd warned them all about 3XK.

"It would appear you were right, Mr. Castle. Jerry Tyson seems very much alive- and he is back at work." Gates stated.

"Any word from Beckett? She'd want to work this case, regardless of how she left things with me." He stated bitterly.

"Castle," Ryan moved closer, opening the folder in his hands.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Martha cautioned, but Ryan proceeded anyhow.

"He needs to see this." The detective stated.

Opening the file, he revealed a photograph taken from the crime scene. Castle looked upon the victim, her resemblance to Kate was uncanny, and much like the others he'd placed her in a peaceful position, her hands clasped. However, this victim was different. First, she was wearing a wedding dress. Second, her hands were posed with a bouquet of flowers; and not just any flowers- Kate's.

Realization washed over him. In a matter of seconds he was up, vomiting uncontrollably into the kitchen sink.

* * *

Kate was startled awake. The sudden sensation of being watched was too great and she opened her eyes slowly. Her vision was able to adjust quickly, as the room was still dimly lit. She leaned up on her elbows, attempting to gain a glimpse of the person standing in the shadows.

"Who are you?" Kate questioned, attempting to sound authoritative despite her current circumstances.

"What do you want? Why are you doing this?" Beckett continued to ask the stranger. They'd still not stepped out of the shadows. In all her years of training, Kate knew many things, most of all she knew that in a situation such as this- where she was completely at the mercy of her captor, playing ally and gathering information were her greatest options. To struggle and fight was fruitless, and would only expedite the process of getting her killed.

"It's nice to see you again." Beckett was surprised to hear a familiar voice, a female voice.

The redhead stepped out, gazing at Kate in a predatory manner.

Beckett's eyes widened as fear set in. Unable to speak for a moment.

"You truly do make a beautiful bride. Not perfect, but lovely nonetheless." The woman spoke. She approached Beckett, moving close enough to intimidate the detective but not so close as to allow Kate to reach her.

"Dr. Neiman." Kate spoke, a chill running down her spine as she recalled the surgeon she'd encountered only months before. She shuttered as she considered the woman's ties.

"Please, call me Kelly." She insisted, a sinister smile on her face. The surgeon was cold, calculating and vindictive. For the first time in a long while, Kate felt a true sense of terror as she stared up at the woman. Jerry Tyson was dangerous, but Kate suspected that his girlfriend was every bit the sociopath herself.

"What are you doing Kelly?" She asked, her voice low and controlled, attempting to open a dialogue. Neiman simply stared her down, as if she was a filthy dog to be executed.

"Did you really think he would let you two just go? Do you know what you put him through? What you put _us_ through? We lost our lives, our livelihoods- all because you and your damned writer couldn't leave well enough alone." Neiman spoke with pure hatred in her voice. The red-head stalked around her, just out of Kate's reach as she spoke.

"I waited around for 4 years while he was in prison, only able to see him under the guise of medical treatment. Can you imagine, Kate? Only getting to see the love of your life, to see Castle from behind bars for 4 years?" She began to rant, not letting Kate get a word in edgewise before continuing.

"But you know what? It was all worth it- because we were going to start fresh, we were going to go away together. We were finally going to get our happy ending. Then you and your damn writer had to dig...couldn't let things go. Two more years just to get the same opportunity and only to find out that you STILL have evidence, still got prison records." She paused, toying with the edges of the structured jacket she wore.

"No. The only way to end this is to destroy Castle. The best way to do that is through you. So, my dear detective- here we are." Neiman finally quieted from her rant.

"Where is Tyson?" Beckett asked, unable to tell if anyone else was nearby.

"He's busy right now. I thought I would stop by and send along his well wishes, and my own of course." The surgeon seemed to be relishing in the power she held over the detective. "Sorry we missed the wedding, but then again- so did you." She laughed out loud at her own joke.

"He's just using you, Kelly." Kate insisted, attempting to reason with her, to sound like an ally. "Men like Tyson don't truely love the way others do." She stated. _Of course, neither do you- you crazy bitch. _Kate kept the latter thought to herself.

"You don't know anything about us." Neiman snapped, her mood shifting suddenly and dangerously "You think you're in a position to be giving relationship advice?" She smiled at Kate then, cold and calculating, "your fiancé hates you."

Beckett's head shot up and she looked at Neiman in confusion. "What did you do?" The detective was growing more and more afraid for Castle by the second.

"Oh, he's fine. He's nursing a broken heart after being left at the altar by his heartless bitch of a fiancé."

Kate looked down at herself once again, wedding dress and veil contrasting against the dirty mattress and iron clamp around her ankle. She realized once again that her shoes were gone, not that it mattered.

Dr. Neiman laughed to herself, amused by the situation. "Little does he know-but he will in time. In fact, I'm sure he'll be putting the pieces together quite soon." The redhead paced the room, still using care to stay out of Beckett's reach. Even with one leg bound, she didn't trust that Kate wouldn't be able to overwhelm her physically if given the chance.

"You won't get away with this." Kate insisted, aware that she was completely powerless in her current situation. She was immobilized and had nothing to use as a weapon. It would seem that her resourcefulness had been taken into consideration when the room was designed. Hell, she'd even tried to pry bobby pins from her hair to pick the lock of the ankle cuff- to no success. She was literally chained to the bed and there wasn't anything she could do about it. Her training taught her that the best thing she could possibly do was placate her captor, and do anything she needed to keep herself alive. Still, Kate knew her prospects looked dim. The detective was aware that she was in well over her head.

"Oh, but we will get away with this." Neiman assured the detective. "We will, and in due time we'll send along our well wishes to Castle." Kate was unsure how to interpret the comment, but wasn't convinced she wanted to know.

"Unfortunately, I won't be able to stay and it really isn't ideal for me to be visiting you here." Neiman backed up towards the door again.

"Where is here?" Kate prompted. The surgeon simply smiled at her, not taking the bait.

"I just wanted to send our regards and say it was nice knowing you. It really is a shame I never got the chance to work with such a natural beauty." The surgeon once again took in Kate's features whimsically.

"Make yourself comfortable, and you can be as loud as you like- nobody can hear you- I assure it." The doctor informed her.

"There is plenty of water for you stored under the bed, the toilet drains beneath the building, I've even brought a radio to keep you company. The signal isn't too great, but the AM frequency is pretty impressive." Neiman spoke casually, tossing it to Kate on the bed. It was clear to Beckett that they intended to keep her there for awhile.

"What are you going to do with me?" Kate was afraid to ask, but the detective in her needed as many details as possible. Kelly simply smiled at her. "I promise you- _absolutely nothing_." She was silent for a moment. She then turned to make her exit, opening the door once again and stepping outside.

Before closing it she spoke once more,

"Did you know that the average person can live as much as 40 days without food, sometimes longer? Then again, others only last 3 weeks." Neiman considered her comment as if she'd just read an article from a Medical journal, completely detached. She then continued,

"You're young and healthy-although I admit you're a little thin, my dear."

She then smiled at Kate once more, cold and calculating.

"Take care now." The door then slammed shut.

Kate had the dreadful sense that she wouldn't be seeing Kelly Neiman, or anyone else for that matter, anytime soon.

* * *

** I love 3XK. I know, strange. But he is my favorite villain to play with and I can't help it. So here it is, yet another 3XK story- although he is actually on the fringes for most of the story... Even in spite of the overdone nature, I hope you continue to enjoy. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Thank you for venturing with me into this piece of writing. Although we all know I'm not capable of leaving things angsty for too long, there are still dark times ahead. **

* * *

Castle pulled himself together; swallowing back is disbelief, his remorse and his sheer terror as he allowed Gates and Ryan to escort him to the precinct. Esposito, Lanie and Alexis went with CSU to Kate's apartment to gather all of the things that were in the bridal suite just days before.

On the way to the precinct Castle stared out the window. He was filled with a sickening numbness, the sheer shock of what was happening. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, his eyes burning as he blinked away the tears there.

"I hated her." He finally spoke, his voice not much more than a whisper.

"You didn't know. You couldn't have known. We all thought things…said things…" Ryan spoke from the driver's seat, attempting to offer any comfort he could. "I felt the same, Castle." They'd all thought the worst of Kate.

"I said hated her, I was resenting the hell out of having ever been a part of her life. She needed me and I was…" He was lost for words. His mother sat beside him in the squad car and squeezed his hand, offering what comfort. Meanwhile, Gates sat silently and respectfully in the passenger's seat. She was unable to fathom how she would feel if in Castle's shoes. The man, the couple, had been through so much together. It simply wasn't fair.

Soon he was in an interrogation room, a potential witness who was waiting to offer his statement and any details that might help them to identify Kate's whereabouts. All was more complicated because according to the NYPD, Jerry Tyson had been officially dead. Now that evidence indicated otherwise, now that there was a body, the investigation into the triple killer was re-opening. Castle anticipated that this was going to be an unpleasant experience, above and beyond his personal circumstances. However, he wasn't anticipating the person who stepped through the door.

"Agent McCord?" He stared at her blankly.

"Please, call me Rachel." She smiled at him somewhat sympathetically, moving to sit across from him.

"What are you doing here?" He questioned.

"Well, considering that we have reason to believe 3XK is back, and considering the mishap that occurred where all case files are concerned, the powers that be decided that things would be best if we got involved." McCord explained.

Castle nodded. It made complete sense. Afterall, Tyson had gone out of his way to see that all evidence pertaining to his victims disappeared. Further, it all happened under the watch of the NYPD.

"So, The FBI was to get involved and considering that I've worked with the 12th in the past", Rachel spoke before adding, "and I have a personal interest in your fiancee's well-being, I was able to pull some strings."

Castle nodded, grateful to have any and all the help he could to find Beckett. He wasn't very interested in getting involved with a police-FBI turf war. All he cared about was finding Kate and bringing her home.

"Now." McCord began, "I see that Detective Esposito put out an APB on Beckett this morning, and he was right to do so. It means we've already got patrols looking for her. Hopefully someone saw something." Castle huffed.

"We're talking about Tyson. He wouldn't be that sloppy." The agent nodded in understanding.

"Still," she countered, "It certainly will not hurt."

"We've been able to match the flowers found on our victim to those from the bouquets that were to be used in your ceremony." Castle swallowed back tears once again and nodded. She wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know.

He knew that Tyson had Kate. He also knew it was only a matter of time before he would carry out whatever it was he was planning.

* * *

Days passed. Kate wasn't sure how many. She just knew that she was hungry and the sensation was so strong that it was making her light-headed. Eventially the dizziness gave way to shaking, she felt the urge to vomit and soon Kate felt as if she had the flu. Her tongue felt thick. coated with some itchy and dry substance and her sleep was fitful. She awoke several times drenched in sweat.

"Castle" She whimpered fitfully in her semi-conscious state. She couldn't quite understand why he never came. Time seemed to be endless, no beginning and no end. Minutes seemed like hours, or perhaps it was the other way around. She was often not aware of how disoriented she was. It was during these times that she would dream. She was safe, she was warm and she was home. In her dreams she was with him.

_She woke suddenly, the room was dark. Where am I? She wondered to herself, taking in her surroundings. Everything seemed to be in place, her room undisturbed. Kate couldn't quite shake off the dream she was having. It was unsettling, although she couldn't quite remember it, nor could she remember what had awakened her so suddenly. Then she heard a solid knock._

_She reached the door and opened it, smiling somewhat shyly at the man on the other side. Despite the fact that she had known this Castle for years, had nearly died for and with him several times, that he'd walked through hell with her, held her close and pushed her to the brink of her own passion, it all felt so new. _

"_Hey Castle." She spoke, willing herself to act normally in spite of the butterflies he still stirred within her whenever she thought about the things he could do to her body. She loved how he would explore every inch of her, as if she was uncharted territory and he an intrepid explorer. _

"_May I come in?" He asked sweetly, pulling out a bouquet of fresh daises. She smiled at him, moved by how sweet this man-her man, could be. They'd only been intimate for three weeks and it was all so new. _

_Kate opened the door, allowed him in, moved to the kitchen to grab a vase and filled it with water. "This is very sweet, Castle." She spoke as she took the flowers from him, their fingers caressing and her cheeks flushing slightly. He moved to place a bag he'd been carrying on her coffee table. _

"_It wasn't necessary, but it was sweet." She smiled at him with a hint of reprimand, although there was no bite behind it. He crossed the room to come to her side once again. _

"_Do I need an excuse to bring flowers to my girlfriend?" He asked, catching her by surprise. It was the first time he'd used that term. Girlfriend. He waited for Kate to respond, allowing her to take the lead._

_Beckett smiled at him brightly, "I suppose you don't." She moved in closer and kissed him then, the slightest contact of their lips seemingly cementing their status as a couple. She set the vase on the counter and moved to his arms, allowing him to envelope her. _

_She'd been on suspension for nearly a month now and had spent every night in his arms. Nevertheless, it was new and she never tired of the way he made her feel. He unhinged her. She sighed with regret as she thought about it, as there wouldn't be any unhinging anytime soon. _

"_I'm glad you're here, but I'm afraid that you came all this way for nothing." She informed him, not wanting to let go. _

"_What do you mean by that?" He questioned, kissing the top of her head, squeezing her against him even tighter. _

"_I mean that this is a bad __**time**__ for me." She emphasized the words to be clear in her meaning. _

"_You mean it's your time of the month." He spoke matter-of –factly. She simply nodded while he continued to hold her. She expected him to pull back, to plant a kiss on her forehead and to wish her well before heading out again. However, he surprised her. _

"_I know that." He simply spoke, causing her to pull back suddenly. Kate looked at him in confusion. _

"_You know?" She challenged him. _

"_What? I've worked with you every day for over 4 years, you think I don't know your cycle?" He pressed her. "I had that down by month 3. You forget I'm surrounded by women." He simply pulled from their embrace and crossed the room, taking her hand to bring her along with him. _

"_I know that this is a bad time for sex, but that doesn't mean it isn't a good time for a movie marathon!" He had a sheer look of excitement on his face. It all took her by surprise and she remained speechless. _

"_Look, I just want to be with you. I want to spend time with you and relax with you. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. I've waited a long time to be able to do that, Kate." He spoke earnestly. It wasn't the first time that Castle surprised her, but it was the first time a boyfriend did. _

_She simply smiled at him, squeezing his hand and reaching up to caress his cheek. Their lips met, a smile still on her face. As they pulled apart he became animated, pulling items from the bag he'd set on her coffee table. _

"_So, I've got some essentials: heating pad, chocolate, fuzzy slippers for you, popcorn, and an assortment of movies for you to choose from…" He continued to prattle on as she simply took him in. This man, her man. They spent the afternoon and evening curled up on her couch, watching romantic comedies as he rubbed her back and made her laugh. That was the moment that she knew, without a doubt, that Richard Castle was not just another boyfriend. It confirmed that still, small voice within; the voice that had been telling her for some time that he was the love of her life._

_They fell asleep in one another's arms that night, she was vaguely aware that music was playing in the background and it made her smile, a tune she recognized._

**_Am I only dreaming? Or is burning an eternal flame? _**

**_I believe, it's meant to be, darling. I watch you when you are sleeping. _**

**_You belong with me. Do you feel the same? _**

_As Kate drifted out of consciousness she could feel the words on her lips…_

"_I love you." _

Kate heard herself speaking as her eyes opened and the warmth faded. The detective raised her head to find that she was not in Castle's arms. Instead she was alone, back in the seemingly endless nightmare that had become her life. The radio, her single link to the outside world was playing a familiar Bangles Song.

At some point over the past days she'd torn a good portion of her dress from her body, using the soft and billowing material as a pillow, as a blanket. There was plenty around her and it appeared as if whatever fit she'd been having had spared little by way of the couture gown. She clung to a large portion of the fabric as if it was a person, as if it was him. Gradually she slipped back under, allowing sleep as her only blissful escape.

* * *

There was no way to tell how much time had passed, but gradually Kate started to feel better, the hunger subsiding for the most part and her head clearing. She was able to reach under the bed for water, drinking just enough to get by. If she tried any more she would vomit. She'd learned that lesson the hard way.

Kate became grateful for the radio, regardless of what was playing. The ability to listen to the sounds of other people, their songs, their voices, their words kept her in touch with what little shred of sanity she had. It was an AM frequency, so she got a hodgepodge of genres, mixed with the steady voices of news reports from around the world. Most of the time she didn't understand the voices, but often felt connected when familiar songs would play.

At some point Kate found a piece of charcoal in a corner between the bed and the wall. She began to draw randomly. It made no sense trying to keep track of time, as Kate couldn't discern day from night. At one point she tried to use the radio to give her that information, but Beckett spent so much time unconscious that it was impossible for her to keep track of whatever the voices were saying.

She couldn't understand why she was spending so much time asleep. Although she knew she was nutritionally deprived, she didn't think that alone would explain it. Afterall, she had water. Whatever the reason, she was grateful for the escape that sleep provided.

The detective listened to the radio for the sake of having something to focus on. In her lucid moments she suspected it was the only thing keeping her sane, giving her hope that there would be an end. As if seeking to protect her when things became too overwhelming she would simply fall asleep again- shutting out whatever hell was surrounding her.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm glad you are enjoying this story, dark and twisty as it may be. **

* * *

Twelve days. It had been twelve long and endless days since she'd disappeared and they had nothing. There were absolutely no leads. Everyone knew that the triple killer was at work, the body left little doubt. Further, nobody else would have been able to pull off such a feat and leave no evidence. They were sure it was Tyson.

That was just the problem. It was Tyson and therefore, there was no evidence. Day after day slipped by and Castle felt more helpless with each passing hour. They'd studied every piece of evidence, from pictures of the crime scene to items from the bridal suite. McCord had been kind enough to keep Castle in the loop where the investigation was concerned. It was out of sheer respect for the man, and for the fact that Kate would have wanted him on the case.

He thought back on the conversation they'd had shortly after the first victim had surfaced. McCord invited Castle to meet with her, where she summarized the the evidence with him. The truth was McCord knew the writer had a unique insight into the case, into Tyson as well as where his fiancee was concerned.

"_The victim was Heidi Lambert, 33. She was single, an 8__th__ grade math teacher. It looks like he picked her just because she had somewhat of a physical resemblance to detective Beckett." Agent McCord summarized her findings to Castle. "It would appear that he grabbed her while she was leaving the gym, murdered her and then put her body into the wedding dress." _

_Castle listened, staring into space while taking in whatever information Rachel McCord was gracious enough to provide. He sensed the change in her tone of voice and knew she was shifting to something directly related to Kate. _

"_Examining the photograph your daughter took of the mirror in the bridal suite revealed that the handwriting, while similar to Kate's, was in fact not Beckett. Further, we found no match to the shade of lipstick at all, in the bridal suite or from anyone who had been there before she disappeared."_

"_We did a thorough sweep of the room and sent agents to check the dumpster in the back." McCord explained._

"_While we found no evidence of abduction, we found ruminants of the trash can after Dr. Parish and your daughter cleaned. The tissue used to wipe the mirror was taken into evidence and we have confirmed the brand and shade of the lipstick. While high end, it is not a color or brand used by anyone in the room. It's it is impossible for us to find the person who wore it though-it's a popular brand." _

_Castle's head shot up nevertheless, "Kelly Neiman." His accusation had little to do with the lipstick and everything to do with Tyson. Unfamiliar lipstick associated with Tyson… it had to be her. _

"_You identified her as a possible girlfriend of Tyson's" McCord stated, nodding her head in agreement. She then left the room, Castle jumping to follow behind. He watched as the Special Agent shot out orders, bringing a photograph of Dr. Neiman to the front and center of her smart board. _

Even with agents on Kelly Neiman, neither she nor Tyson seemed to be involved. There was no trace of either one of them. As a result, Castle was left to wait. He was helpless to do anything else when it came to Jerry Tyson.

* * *

_It had been a beautiful ceremony and the reception had been cheerful. Kate couldn't recall a time when she'd felt so light, so joyous. The idea to attend Ryan's wedding as each other's plus one had been genius, as it gave them the opportunity to test the waters. They danced, they smiled, they touched and they talked. Nothing having to do with murder and everything to do with their unexpressed feelings filled the night._

_The reception was dying down and most guests had departed, wishing the couple well while heading back to their own lives. Soon only the bridal party remained, with Beckett present as Castle's plus one and somehow Lanie as Esposito's. Apparently their respective dates had other places to be; neither seemed to mind. _

"_So, are we going to head to the old haunt as discussed?" Castle questioned the group. _

_Ryan took another sip from his wine glass, looking to his wife for her opinion. "What do you say, sweetie? Want to wind down before we head out?" Jenny nodded, happy to have a more intimate celebration- one that would be in absence of her conservative family. _

"_The old Haunt?" Kate whispered to Castle, allowing him to lead her by the arm to a waiting cab. She liked the feel of his fingers on her skin and wasn't keen on having him let go. He appeared to feel the same, as his hand remained resting on her forearm for the duration of the ride. _

_She studied him, a silly and excited grin spread across his face. "What is it, Castle?" She finally asked, not able to take the excited tension any longer. _

"_I've got the surprise to beat all surprises." He admitted, sticking his fist into his mouth to bite down his glee. He turned to face Beckett in the cab, "I pulled some strings and let's just say the entertainment is going to knock their socks off." His joy was contagious and soon Kate was grinning too. _

_He wouldn't tell her anything else, only that Ryan and Jenny were in for the surprise of their lives, and that Esposito and Lanie would likely be floored as well. When they arrived at the Old Haunt they found the bar transformed. Tables and booths had been removed and a dance floor monopolized the center of the room. _

_The stage was complete with a piano and microphone and there were white lights adorning the entire room. The only other person there was a bartender, ready and waiting to provide any refreshments requested. Castle invited all guests in and told them to make themselves comfortable. _

_He then programmed the stereo-system to stream an assortment of music, fast and slow alike. There was laughter and dancing, although it appeared that the few people at the bar were all coupled off. Thus, Castle and Beckett once again gravitated to one another. They were dancing to a Stevie Wonder song when Castle noticed his guest had arrived. _

"_Johnny!" He exclaimed. "I'm so glad you could make it!" _

"_No problem. I was in town and I'm happy to be of any help, Rick." The young man smiled. _

"_Hey guys, I'd like you to meet-" _

"_John Legand!" Esposito yelled. Lanie simply covered her mouth with her hand, too shocked to speak. _

_Everyone else was ecstatic, eager to meet the young and talented musician. He paid special attention to Ryan and Jenny, kissing the bride on the cheek and complementing her- congratulating them. _

"_So, I've been asked to perform a new single that I've been working on. It hasn't been released yet." He informed them. _

_Everyone simply nodded, still in disbelief that such a famous artist was amongst them. He moved to the stage, sat at the piano and pulled the microphone into place. Before he began to play he spoke, _

"_This is for the happy couple. Here's to finding the love of your life and never letting her go." _

_His fingers moved across the piano gracefully, his voice fluid and his words clear. _

_**What would I do without your smart mouth? **_

_**Drawing me in and you kicking me out. **_

_**You've got my head spinning, no kidding. **_

_**I can't pin you down. **_

_**What's going on in that beautiful mind? **_

_**I'm on your magical mystery ride.**_

_Kate watched happily as Ryan and Jenny glided across the dance floor, lost in one another's eyes. She noticed that Esposito and Lanie were dancing too. Other brides' maids and groom's men watched in amazement from the bar. Kate smiled and shifted focus back to the happy couple. She envied them. _

_**Cause all of me loves all of you.**_

_**Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. **_

_**Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. **_

_It was a truly sweet song, with a soft melody and Kate enjoyed it. Although she was unable to keep up with the words completely, Kate watched the couple again wistfully. In fact all eyes were on Ryan and Jenny; All except Castle. _

_Beckett's heart stuttered as she caught him staring at her with an intensity that left her breathless. She was vaguely aware of the song, unable to avert her gaze from her partner. If anything he was staring even more intensely. It was as if he was willing her to understand, to feel him. _

_**How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying you're beautiful too. **_

_**The world is beating you down..**_

_**I'm around- through every mood. **_

_**You're my downfall. **_

_**You're my muse. **_

_**My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues. **_

_His motives were clear and his heart on the table. Her walls were down and they were wordlessly communicating from across the room. All attention was on the happy couple, yet nobody else existed to them. It was clear, she was sure. It was only a matter of time for them. _

_**Cause all of me loves all of you.**_

_**Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. **_

_**Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. **_

_Soon the spell was broken and Kate averted her gaze, shifting her attention back to her friends. She pretended to listen to a joke, laughing along with everyone else. Neither talked about it again, but both couldn't deny the impact that the song had on them. Her heart fluttered in her need for him. She just wanted him. _

Similar feelings stirred as the piano music played softly from the radio. She heard the familiar lyrics, words that made her heart hurt with need for him, now more than ever. Kate listened intently, focusing on the song playing in attempt to clear the cobwebs from her muddled brain.

**You're my end and my beginning. **

**Even when I lose, I'm winning. **

**Cause I give you all of me. **

**And you give me all of you. **

The familiar tune prompted further awareness as she shifted herself. It reminded her of a time, not to long ago when she'd had the privilege of listening to the song live, before it was to be played on any radio. However, soon she couldn't focus on anything but her pain. Her back and shoulders hurt. Everything hurt. Kate found that even the simplest task of rising from the bed and shifting to the makeshift toilet to be exhausting, not to mention dangerous.

At some unknown point the single bulb above her had burned out. Now there was just darkness, she could smell herself- she needed a bath, and she could feel the material of her dress, the rough edges of the bed, the cold and damp concrete of the wall she could reach. In the short amount of time Kate found herself awake she would tap. She would knock on the wall by her bed, not to alert anyone but to ensure herself that she was still there, that she could feel the wall beneath her knuckles and create the rhythmic sound. She would hum, nibble on her lip until it bled to experience the metallic taste in her mouth. Above all else she would listen to the radio-her single source of connection to the outside world.

Early on she found the chain to be constricting; she attempted to pry herself from it. Later she found it didn't matter because she lacked the energy to do anything about it. The fact that she wasn't feeling hungry was a relief, as the water now sustained her.

* * *

Castle couldn't recall the last time he'd slept. Time was passing, days into weeks, expansive and desolate. It had been nearly three weeks and despite their best efforts to identify any trace of Tyson or Neiman, they were still in the wind. No sign of either one was to be found. Not only was there no evidence to tie them to one another, they'd both simply vanished.

His family watched helplessly as Castle studied every piece of evidence he could get his hands on. He would work, scavenge until his body would simply give out, entering into a dreamless sleep. During those dreams he would see her, he would speak to her, whisper and plead that she hang on; to not give up, wherever she was. He had no reason to believe she was still alive, other than the morbid knowledge that Tyson would want to prolong things, to toy with him.

Yet it was more than that. He believed she was alive because he could still feel her with him somehow. He stared at his reflection in the mirror until he no longer recognized himself, unwilling to let go of the guilt that he was somehow responsible.

_He took her to punish me. He took her from our wedding and I let him. He took her and I hated her for it. _The blame played in his head like a mantra, driving him on and on in spite of the fact that he had no tangible lead.

* * *

Rick's daughter tried to comfort him. Alexis brought supplies and made him dinner, sat and talked with him about school. She held his hand and rested her head on his shoulders. The truth was Alexis felt completely lost. It seemed to her that nobody hated Kate quite like she did after the wedding. The stunning fact that Kate wasn't a coward, but a victim was a slap on the face to Alexis; filling her with a sense of profound guilt and fear for her future step-mother. The young woman was resolved to do everything in her power to hold her dad together until he had his fiancé back in his arms again.

He awoke one morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Castle followed the scent to the kitchen, where he found Alexis making pancakes. Despite the chocolate ship smiley face, despite the banana hair on the pancake person she'd created, the writer could only manage a weak smile.

"Thank you pumpkin." He pulled her against him and squeezed lovingly. The truth was he loved how much his daughter tried to comfort him. It just wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough again without Kate. They sat in silence, eating breakfast and just being together- feeling the loss to their home.

Later that morning, after Alexis had gone to class, he was staring at the same photos again, cradling a cup of coffee as if his life depended on it when his phone finally rang. He answered eager for any news.

"Mr. Castle" came the voice of Rachel McCord,

"There's been another murder."

* * *

**To listen to the song here venture to twitter ( AddisonSperry), I've posted the link. Otherwise, Youtube, John Legend's All of Me. **


	8. Chapter 8

Castle joined the boys, McCord and Lanie in an alley that was once again suspiciously close to the loft. He looked sadly at the body, feeling somewhat guilty over his relief that the victim was not Kate.

"ID says Maureen Suarez, 36 years old. She's got a business card indicating that she's a real estate agent." Lanie spoke from where she was kneeling. The body was once again posed in an angelic position, a bridal gown placed over the clothing the victim was actually murdered in. There were no flowers this time.

Lanie motioned for Castle to come closer, looking at him with concern, "Just wanted to confirm that this looks familiar to you." She whispered, using gloved fingers to lift the necklace clasped around the victim's neck. Castle covered his mouth with his hand once again, swallowing back his fear as he nodded.

"It's my mother's necklace." He spoke, updating Rachel.

"I can vouch for that." Lanie added, "I watched Martha Rodgers put it around Kate's neck in the last moments I saw her." She stared down at the victim helplessly. McCord nodded and observed as the necklace was removed and placed in an evidence bag.

"Won't be any prints on it. He's too good for that." Castle stated.

Nobody bothered to argue with him. Afterall, he was right. What didn't make sense was that Tyson's previous behavior pattern had been to kill three women in a single week before dropping off the map. Now he seemed to be operating more on a different schedule, taking weeks between victims. Surely he had to be Keeping Beckett alive. What frightened Castle the most was that if Tyson was still operating under his rule of 3, they were surely running out of time.

* * *

_A storm was coming. She could feel the tension, the electricity in the air that always foreshadowed the thunder and lightning. It was fitting really. The first time they'd made love was stormy, and it was nearly a year ago. She was on autopilot, going through the motions of a well-practiced routine as she placed her badge and gun in the top drawer of the dresser._

_Beckett moved her hands to the back her neck, wanting to unclasp the chain holding her mother's ring. Castle's hands startled her from her automated movements. She looked into the mirror, seeing him stand behind her, lock eyes with her. The stereo played softly in the distance. It struck her as odd, as she couldn't remember him having turned it on. _

_**It's getting late. It's getting dark. **_

_**In the end of the night, I can feel your warmth.**_

_Kate simply watched as he swept her hair to the side, using care as he undid the clasp. He leaned around her to place the necklace on the dresser. Letting out his own sigh after such a harrowing day. _

_She continued to stare at their reflection in the darkness of his bedroom, unable to muster the energy to do anything but let him take control. She'd managed to kick her boots off and pull her hair loose of the tight ponytail she'd worn that day. _

_**Come up close. Close to me. **_

_**Cause in the end of the night, I can feel you breathe. **_

_Somehow he knew that she needed him to move, to act. Kate simply stared at them as he pushed her black leather jacket down her shoulders. She leaned against him, his body solid and warm, anchoring her to the spot. He wrapped his arms around her, encircling her waist with one hand while unbuttoning her top with the other. _

_**Don't be afraid. Don't be alarmed.**_

_**Cause in the end of the night, you're in my arms. **_

_She rolled her head to the side, coming to face his neck, as he supported her weight. Kate then inhaled his scent and took him in once again. She placed her lips there, needing to taste him as some sort of proof of life. She'd meant what she said that afternoon. She'd meant every word. She needed him to know that. _

_**I'm on my bed, my bed of stones. **_

_**But in the end of the night, we'll rest our bones. **_

"_You know I meant it." It was a statement, but was open- waiting for his confirmation. _

_He simply slid the now unbuttoned shirt from her shoulders, tossing the garment into the laundry basket. He grazed his fingers up and down her bare arms, taking her in. She was completely vulnerable, open to him in that moment. Tears burned in the back of her eyes, although she didn't quite know why. _

_**So don't you worry. Just rest your head. **_

_**Cause in the end of the night, we'll be together again. **_

"_I know." He assured her, moving to unbutton her jeans and help her out of them. She once again leaned on him, allowing him to support her weight. Everything hurt; her back, her legs and her feet, especially her feet. She was surprised that the simple act of standing in one place for hours would take such a toll on her body. _

_She looked back up to the mirror, now clad in her bra and panties. Castle then placed his hands on her waist, pushing her forward. "Come on." He whispered into her ear, kissing her there before leading her into the bathroom. _

_**You don't need to worry. I'll make your bed. **_

_**And in the end of the night, I can hold your hand. **_

_He turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature accordingly before stripping off his own clothes. Kate simply turned to face him, burying herself against his now naked body. "I meant it." She repeated, _

"_I love you, Castle." He kissed the top of her head, unclasping her bra and sliding her panties down before leading her under the hot stream from the shower. The pressure of the hot water, along with Castle's firm hands worked the kinks out of her sore muscles. _

"_I love you too." He whispered as he helped her to shed what had been a horrible and terrifying day. It was yet another day where they'd almost lost one another. However, this time was different. This time nothing was left unsaid. She turned and pressed herself against him, wrapped up in his embrace as she finally exhaled. _

_Castle simply held her against him, allowing his lover to take comfort and warmth in his steady embrace. On some level, Kate knew that he was aware she loved her; that he'd known for some time. Nevertheless, she needed to say it and it was affirming to have those words out in the open. _

_Several minutes later they stepped out of the shower together. He wrapped her in a warm, oversized towel and began the work of drying them both off. She continued to take him in, this man that she loved, who loved her. _

"_I don't know why it took so long for me to say it. Now that it's out there… it just seems… I love you, Rick." She spoke to him again as they made their way back into his bedroom. It was as if she was trying to convince him of her feelings, to make up for lost time. _

_**So come close, close to me.**_

_**And I'll come closer to you.**_

_He simply pulled her alongside him into bed, and as he rolled over to pin her into the mattress he looked directly into her eyes, "I know." He whispered, kissing her tenderly. Their love-making that night was different, tender; they both found the strength and depth of their love for one another to be humbling. They loved with an openness and wonder that accompanied the freedom they found in three simple words. _

Kate smiled to herself, losing grip on sleep and wakefulness. She could hear him whispering to her, could feel his touch, wanted to be wherever he was.

"Always." She whispered as she sighed heavily, grasping her makeshift pillow. The music was still playing in the room, but it seemed closer somehow. It was much harsher than moments before.

**Cause in the end of the night when all we have is gone. **

She allowed herself to sob with the song, fully awakened from her dream yet still unaware of space and time. Only aware that she wanted Castle, she needed him, but couldn't have him.

Gradually, Kate spent less time awake, allowing herself to let go; no longer fighting the darkness when it threatened to consume her. Afterall, things were lighter, easier for her there.

There was no fear, no helplessness. There weren't cold and musty, padded and dark rooms there. There was only him, only them. Soon she resented wakefulness altogether, stopped fighting the pull that would drag her under- drag her back to him.

**Yes in the end of the night, when I can be with you.**

* * *

**Again with the radio in this scene. Breaks my heart, but so does that song. TO hear it go to youtube and search "Zola Jesus Night"**

**Or go to twitter (AddisonSperry), as I've posted it :-) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer Time! **

**Disclaimer: No.**

* * *

Castle called it. There was no trace of evidence to be found on the necklace. Martha grimaced, wiping tears from her eyes as she claimed it as her own days after the murder. Castle held his mother, unable to do anything else as he stared at Agent McCord helplessly. His anxiety levels were only escalating as he considered that Tyson had two victims.

"They call him the triple killer. Triple." Castle spoke, running his hands tensely through his hair.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." McCord stated.

Martha watched the two exchange words like a well-practiced tennis match.

"Shouldn't we? What evidence do you have that this isn't going to go down exactly along those lines. He kills THREE." Castle shot back.

"Yes, in one week!" McCord responded, "and we already know he's broken that pattern!" She raised her voice authoritatively.

"Now, I know you're scared. I know you're frustrated…" Rachel continued.

"You're damn right I am." He shot back, "It's been nearly a month…A MONTH. What progress have _you _made?"

To her credit, McCord was well-experienced with terrified and grieving families. She was able to show no small amount of patience. Afterall, she understood his frustration, she felt his frustration.

"Rick, go home. Take your mother home. You're exhausted and you're going to be of no help to anyone, especially Kate, in your current state. He swallowed back his anguish, ready to relent when another agent entered the room.

"Agent McCord..." The agent hesitated as he looked to Castle and his mother. Nevertheless, he proceeded to deliver his message. With a look of disbelief on his face, the agent informed them.

"We've got a third murder." He stated. The shock was evident on the agent's face. This was completely out of character for Tyson. He was meticulous; he'd waited so long between the first two. Why would they have another murder so rapidly? McCord was filled with worry for Beckett. Surely this did not bode well for her.

_The third. _Castle thought to himself, fear washing over him like ice water. _Please God, no._

* * *

McCord allowed Castle to come along to the crime scene, mostly to keep tabs on him. She was well aware that if she sent him home he would follow anyway. At least with the FBI _he _would be protected. As they arrived at the crime scene, another nondescript alley close to the loft, Castle shot out of the passenger door.

He nearly tore through the yellow crime scene tape as he made his way to where Lanie was kneeling.

"It isn't her Castle." The medical examiner informed him. The relief washed over him, the sensation so strong that he had to place the palm of his hand on the brick wall aligning the alley. He was bent over, attempting to catch his breath while not succumbing to the nausea that was filling him. The sheer terror on the ride to the crime scene nearly did him in.

_It isn't her. She's not dead on that ground. She's still alive. It isn't her._ He repeated the words to himself, needing the reminder. A few moments later he gathered his composure, clearing his throat and turning around to get a glimpse of the victim. _All of these women, all of them are dying just to send a message to me._ Castle certainly had no shortage of self-blame where Tyson's actions were concerned.

"This one is different." McCord observed as she approached the body. The woman's hair covered her face and she appeared to be tossed into the alley, as opposed to meticulously posed. To start with there wasn't a wedding dress. This victim was simply wearing a white slip. Additionally, she wasn't staged to look like Kate; none of Kate's items appeared to be present. She didn't even have the same hair color. This victim had red hair.

"We know this victim." Lanie stated, staring at the woman posed before her, brushing her hair back so that Castle and McCord could get a better look. Turning to face Castle, who was still not close enough to the victim to see, Lanie waited. Finally, he approached and as he did, he gasped.

"That's Kelly Neiman."

* * *

Hours later they all stood in the precinct,

"He killed his own girlfriend." Castle stated.

"Not surprising." McCord stated, "He didn't need her anymore. Whatever purpose she served was done. He doesn't keep close relationships, he doesn't make ties."

"We did find some interesting things in the alley." Ryan spoke as he entered the room with a file in hand.

"We found Neiman's trench coat, complete with wallet, keys and a tube of lipstick." He stated.

"It matches the lipstick found on the mirror." Esposito supplied a guess. Ryan simply nodded affirmatively.

"Well, that's convenient." Gates spoke. She'd come to join the team soon after they'd arrived.

"It's not convenient, it was his plan all along, get Neiman to do his dirty work and then dispose of her once she had done so." Castle spoke gravely.

"What exactly was her job? She took Kate? Surely she had his help to abduct her; and why does he wait nearly a month before killing her?" Finally, McCord silently questioned, "Where the hell is Beckett?"

"We've still got nothing." Castle stated, the familiar sense of hopelessness setting in.

"I wouldn't say that." Ryan interjected, "We found a receipt in her wallet….it's for a coffee shop." Ryan hesitated for a moment,

They all turned to look at the detective, waiting impatiently as he hesitated.

"It's the bistro directly across from Castle's loft."

"Capelli's? " Castle asked in shock, "You'd have complete view of the front of my building. You can see everyone come and go from there."

"Would she really have risked getting so close?" Esposito asked in disbelief.

"It's bold, brazen… it's Tyson. We need to remember that Tyson put Neiman up to this." Castle shot back.

"Get me all security cameras on that city block." McCord.

"We've been through all of that." Another agent challenged her.

"Yes- Looking for Tyson. We weren't looking for Neiman." She countered.

* * *

Soon agents from tech were surveying footage, going back weeks before the wedding and looking out for anything out of the ordinary. They were also looking for any sign of Kelly Neiman.

The red-head was soon spotted, apparently wearing a maintenance uniform and speaking with the door man. She appeared to be toting a large piece of furniture with a dolly. The camera depicted the door man signing a clipboard and Neiman making her way into the building.

"What is the time stamp on that video?" McCord questioned.

"Approximately 2:47pm, Saturday May 11th." The technician reported.

"Our wedding day." Castle supplied.

It felt as if a bucket of ice had been thrown over his head, settling into the pit of his stomach.

"Let's get over there." McCord instructed, "we need to talk to that door man."

* * *

"Mr. Matthews." Agent McCord spoke with the door man at Castle's loft. The writer had been instructed to stay back and let her do her job. So he did, he was quiet as McCord showed the doorman a photograph of Kelly Neiman and explained what they'd seen on the camera; showing a still frame of the two interacting. Neiman was wearing a blue jumpsuit and a hat, but strands of her red hair could be identified and there was no mistaking her profile.

"Yeah. I remember that. I thought it was odd that such a pretty lady would be delivering a water heater." The older man commented.

"Water heater?" Castle interjected.

"Yeah. She said that the water heater was busted, that she was there to replace it. I tried to call and inquire but she told me that people were complaining about not having hot water. I didn't want to disturb anyone." He stated defensively.

"Where do you keep the water heater in this building?" McCord questioned.

Before the doorman could answer her question Castle was running, he burst through the side door leading to the stairwell. He could faintly hear the man reply "In the basement."

"Castle, get back." McCord insisted. She was afraid to think of what they might find down there. She pushed to the front of the group, gun out as she proceeded down the dark stairs of the building. It was dark, dingy and uninhabited. Aside from spider webs, there was no sign of life in the space. The agent turned on the lights to reveal nothing but an empty room. It was cold and damp, and all appeared in working order with the water heater.

Castle once again was filled with grief, with anger. Tyson had once again toyed with them. _Where is she?_ He thought to himself despondently. Castle was at the end of his rope, sinking even deeper into his worst nightmares when he heard an agent's question.

"What is this door?" The young man asked. McCord made her way to the door.

Castle simply shrugged, completely unaware. Truth be told, he'd never been in the basement of his building. He hadn't noticed the small door in the back corner, hidden by shadows and out of the way of the main area.

"This padlock looks new," McCord stated, ordering her colleague to cut through it. Castle stood back as McCord entered the room. It couldn't have been much larger than a broom closet.

"Castle!" he heard McCord yell, prompting him to push past the other agents. He entered the room, small and dingy, incredibly stifled and stagnant; then the air left his lungs.

"Kate." He spat out in disbelief. He pushed McCord out of the way, moving to where his fiancé lay on the bed.

"Castle, this could be evidence." She warned him.

"I don't care." He shot back, his voice quivering with terror as he moved to the bed to cradle Beckett's unconscious body. He was desperate for some proof of life.

"Is she alive?" An agent pressed, looking to McCord as Castle held her against him. Rachel didn't respond to the agent and Kate remained limp in his arms. He held her against him, running his fingers across her brow and cradling her as if she were a child. He attempted to find a pulse, any sign of life as he brushed his fingers across her pale face.

She was frail, smaller, and thinner than he remembered her. There were pieces of her wedding dress strewn across the small room. His fingers lined her throat, relief washing through his body when he finally felt a faint pulse here. He could feel a weak grasp for air as well, but she didn't stir in his arms.

The oddest part for Castle was the small radio in the corner of the room, playing a happy tune as if they were having afternoon tea; Tea in the 1960s. The words filled him with a sick sense of anguish.

**Bells will ring, the sun will shine. **

**I'll be his and he'll be mine. **

**We'll love until the end of time, and we'll never be lonely anymore. **

**Because we're going to the chapel and we're…**

Agent McCord pulled out a glove and ripped the plug from the wall, silencing the radio once and for all.

"Mmmmm." Castle felt and heard her at the same time. It was a weak moan, but it was there.

"I need an ambulance…" McCord stepped out of the room, speaking into her transmitter to provide the appropriate details as Castle held her closer.

"I'm here. I'm here. I'm so sorry, Kate." He whispered against her forehead, his tears spilling from his cheeks onto her face.

"Feels…real." She uttered, her words were slurred and ran together. She was unwilling or unable to open her eyes. Her body felt like a dead weight in his arms, her limbs not moving. Still, she was alive and in his arms.

"Hang in there Kate, I've got you now." He kissed her forehead once again, holding her even more tightly against him.

"I'm never going to let go again." He promised.

Kate simply moaned, a single sound emanating from her throat to acknowledge his presence.


	10. Chapter 10

**Several notes to address questions: 1.) This story is only about half way complete-healing from physical trauma will take time; healing from emotional trauma will take even more time. 2.) Research on the physical effects of the water fast (which people do for spiritual reasons-usually max recommended is 30 day), suggests that while need for medical intervention and supervised weight/muscle mass gain_ may_ likely be necessary, rate of survival is actually very good. Research on mental health is less optimistic in outlook.**

**Final Note: Heads up, this one's going to be difficult. **

* * *

They all joined Kate at the hospital, most waiting in the hallway as the medical staff worked quickly to treat the detective. Castle nearly needed to be pried away from her long enough for the medical professionals to evaluate her. Luckily, her vitals were steady, and soon they had her settled in, a variety of fluids being pumped into her body as oxygen was supplied to her nose in an effort to ease her breathing as they waited on the results from her blood work. She'd yet to open her eyes.

Castle sat with her, holding her hand and refusing to leave her side. Her bridal gown had been removed, taken away for evidence as a nurse worked to sponge Kate off, using care to massage her limbs and increase blood flow there. She was thin, emaciated according to Rick's opinion, and the sight of her sent a new wave of grief through him.

Her skin was pale, nearly translucent and her veins highly visible just beneath. "You made it out, my beautiful girl." He whispered to her while kissing the back of her fingers.

A young doctor greeted Castle moments later,

"Good evening. I'm Dr. Bates." He shook Rick's hand before moving to lift Kate's chart from behind the doorway. He read over the paperwork before finally speaking to Castle once again.

"The most serious concern we have for the time being is that she's been severely malnourished. In these circumstances we need to tread very lightly when re-introducing calories." The doctor spoke to Castle as he looked over Kate's chart.

"It appears that she's been water fasting for a prolonged period of time. So, I'm not surprised that her blood chemistry is severely unbalanced. We will need to keep a close watch on her levels, especially phosphorus and magnesium, as well as monitor her blood sugar. Often times we find that our systems will _slow down _considerably, so if we introduce too much too fast it can overwhelm her body's ability to process and digest; the impacts on her heart, lungs, pancreas and liver can be devastating." Dr. Bates didn't bother to look back to Castle as he spoke, examining Kate's body thoroughly and monitoring her vital signs instead.

"Once we have a better idea of her physical condition, especially her heart condition, we can develop a plan to help her recover." He doctor indicated.

"She wasn't fasting, she was being starved. This was against her will." Castle insisted, he seemed to be hung up on a benign comment Dr. Bates had made moments before, needing to make sure that no person would place responsibility or blame on Kate. As far as the writer was concerned, if any responsibility was to be had, it was on him.

The doctor nodded sympathetically, "I understand. As I said, she's been without nourishment for a prolonged period of time, so we can expect muscle atrophy and need to monitor her heart- the most important muscle of all- closely. We will do our best to bring and keep her electrolytes balanced." Castle nodded at the doctor's words and listened to the older man continue,

"People have been known to survive much longer periods of starvation. Further, she's got no underlying medical condition to indicate that her body will not respond optimally to the re-feeding process. So there is good reason to believe she will make a full physical recovery, as long as we monitor her closely." The doctor smiled at Castle, his love of his fiancé was clear to all.

"The important thing was that she had water, otherwise she would have lasted days."The doctor informed him. Castle stared at Beckett, rubbing his finger along the back of her hand, around her thumb and back again.

"Nevertheless," the doctor continued, "we're running additional blood work to make sure all is still functioning with her hormones, although abnormal levels will be expected until we get her electrolytes back in order." Even though he listened intently to the doctor's words, the writer's eyes never wavered from Kate.

"When she comes around she's going to need a psych consult." The doctor finally added, "any prolonged period of isolation will create emotional and cognitive distress. Unfortunately, healing from that is a bit more complicated than nourishing her. " Castle nodded again, bitterly hating Tyson for what he'd done, hating himself for not figuring out that she'd been under his nose the whole time.

The thought of it sickened him, and Castle wasn't sure he'd ever be able to set foot in that building again. The onslaught of guilt was profound. _All this time, and she was right under my nose._ The knowledge was certainly a twist in the knife that Tyson had planted into Castle's very being.

"Can someone come by to tell us what we can expect, mental-health wise?" Castle questioned. Knowing Kate had a tendency to pull away during times of distress, he wanted to prepare himself as best as possible before she would awaken.

* * *

Kate slept through the night, and into the next day. Her father, relieved that this nightmare was behind them, came to visit her briefly. He requested that Castle call him when she awakened, knowing that she would be in good hands until that time. The writer was glad for his own mother, who took Jim into her care-providing coffee, company and a kind ear to talk to when needed.

Lanie and the boys stopped by to update him on the case, on the evidence found in Beckett's place of captivity. The room was absent of all finger prints, save for Kate's.

"However, we found Kelly Neiman's prints on the radio." Esposito informed Rick.

"That's not surprising. My guess is that Tyson's motive was to indicate Kelly for the whole thing…and now that she's dead…" He simply stopped talking, knowing that they would understand that the case had no viable leads at this point.

They were all in the room when the doctor stopped by. He had a nurse in tow, and excused all visitors with the exception of Jim Beckett and Rick Castle. The others made their way respectfully from the room. However, before Lanie could exit Castle grabbed her wrist, pleading the medical examiner to stay. The doctor smiled politely at both men and nodded to Lanie, a slight hesitation in his voice as he started to speak.

"We found moderate levels of tranquilizer in her bloodstream, usually used on animals." The doctor informed them. "It helps to explain why she's still not conscious. We expect it to wear off soon and hopefully we'll see some more activity. It also leads us to believe that she spent a great deal of time sedated, which would not be great for her muscles, but could prove to have been relatively protective for her mental health."

"CSU found that the water in the room was spiked with Ketamine, every time she drank she dosed herself. There wasn't enough to be toxic, but enough to keep her pretty much out of it." Lanie explained to Castle as the doctor nodded, confirming that her blood work supported this claim. They had indeed found the chemical in her bloodstream.

The doctor continued, motioning a nurse to enter the room with a wheeling cart of medical equipment. Lanie recognized the machine, her eyes raised with surprise. "We also found elevated levels of HCG in her blood." Castle looked at them with a puzzled expression as Lanie gasped, looking on in surprise and fear.

"What?" Castle pressed, hating that he was the only one in the room that seemed to be out of the loop. Jim had the same puzzled and fearful expression on his face.

"Castle, was Kate pregnant?" Lanie questioned, her eyes watering.

"What? No?" He commented, "we'd discussed having kids, but were waiting until after the wedding to start trying."

"Could they have injected her?" Lanie questioned.

"What purpose would they have for doing that?" Jim spoke from behind them, making his presence known once again.

"We need to check nevertheless." The doctor spoke, instructing the nurse to care for Kate's still unconscious form. The young woman lifted the blanket to push Kate's hospital gown up, placing the sheet back over her waist to protect her modesty. Castle was struck once again by how prominent her ribs were. He had to look away, unable to take the sight if it.

She was still beautiful to him, she would always be beautiful to him. It was the sick sense of grief and guilt he felt over what had happened that overwhelmed him; and now they were actually checking for …that she might have been… might be…He couldn't even process the thoughts.

The nurse squirted gel onto Beckett's stomach, and the detective seemed to startle for a moment, but did not respond. Soon there was a wand of some sort pressed to her abdomen, the machine was on and the doctor was evaluating the caption on the screen.

"Oh." Lanie simply stated, able to understand what she was viewing. She then looked away, covering her eyes with her hand for a moment to gather herself.

"Looks to be about 10 weeks gestation." The doctor noted somberly. Lanie nodded, sweeping tears from her eyes.

"Is it?" Castle asked.

"There is no heartbeat." The doctor confirmed.

In that moment, the writer felt as if all the air had left the room.

* * *

Castle watched helplessly as the hospital staff moved about the room. "It's critical that we evacuate the fetus, Mr. Castle, to prevent infection." The doctor insisted.

"Please do your best to preserve any and all evidence." Lanie whispered, hoping that Castle wouldn't hear. The writer made no indication that he did.

Rick simply sat in the chair next to Kate, who was still unconscious. Jim' s hand was steady on the writer's shoulders, the grief in both men threatening to overwhelm them. _What am I supposed to tell her when she wakes?_ Castle thought helplessly to himself.

It seemed that this nightmare they were living in would never end.

Soon the doctor arranged for a D& C procedure.

"Dilation and Curettage." Lanie explained, "they will dilate her and remove the fetus. They'll likely place her on an antibiotic to ensure against infection. I know she's not fully conscious yet, but I'm pretty sure they're going to go ahead and use a general anesthetic anyway, just to ensure she doesn't wake up during the procedure."

Castle nodded to the medical examiner, unable to speak but grateful to know that Kate would continue to sleep through things.

"Doctors are confidant that her platelets are high enough to manage any bleeding." Lanie supplied, some small silver lining she supposed.

"Good." He spoke, referring back to the general anesthetic "She shouldn't have to experience this…she shouldn't have to…" Castle's voice broke, tears finally unleashing as he attempted to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. Lanie held him, brushing her fingers through his hair supportively as he finally let go of his grief.

"Tyson did this." Lanie spoke, "not you."

"Do you think she knew?"Castle spoke, referring to the pregnancy.

"My guess is not. I think she would have told you. Ten weeks is still early, still the first trimester Castle. Nearly 25% of pregnancies are believed to end in miscarriage during the first trimester." She tried to offer.

"This was not a miscarriage." Castle spoke with a hard edge to his voice, he pulled himself back from Lanie's embrace and inhaled deeply, his breath still unsteady.

"Tyson did this to her." His voice was deadly with rage.

"He did it to the both of you, you're both victims here." Lanie spoke.

Soon the others joined them, having been informed by Jim of the exact nature of Kate's condition, of their loss. There weren't any dry eyes as they re-entered the room, Alexis and Martha clinging to one another for support.

"We'll report this to McCord." Ryan offered.

"What does this have to do with the investigation?" Castle asked, not crazy about the idea of everyone knowing about their loss before Kate had even awakened to learn she'd been pregnant.

"The baby is a victim Castle, it doesn't matter that it was early in the pregnancy." Lanie again inserted a response, "a child in utero, regardless of the stage of development, is a legal victim." Castle nodded, accepting the reality of the situation.

The familiar sickening sense of grief he'd been living with returned momentarily.

Jerry Tyson killed their baby.

* * *

**Oh gosh! Why would I do that? It was essential. Difficult to read, difficult to write, but essential. Thanks to Fbobs for talking me through this particular plot line. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for the reviewers. To the guest who commented on NYS law-you are indeed correct (Although i****t is a contested issue as I understand it- with separate laws defining "human" age differently). However, there are other legal factors at play here. You are welcome to send a message and we can discuss, but to do so here would spoil the plot for those not familiar with US and State law (even if it is just my interpretation of it). :) In other words, to avoid spoiling just message me (I hope you do). If you work with the law I would appreciate your thoughts; you'd be great to bounce ideas! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

After the procedure was completed Kate was returned to her room. Lanie and Castle arranged for her to be dressed in her own pajamas, even though they were much too big for her body now. "I want her comfortable, secure." He spoke.

"It's the least I can do, considering…"

Lanie considered him once again. It was clear that Kate was not the only one who would need therapy to recover. It was likely that the entire family would need to work through this trauma together.

As they dressed Kate, they used care to keep her feet warm.

"She'll need the extra help to regulate her body temperature as she builds body fat back up," Lanie spoke as she bundled her friend under blankets. "Most victims of prolonged starvation actually have lowered body temperatures for a time, and Kate is certainly no exception to the rule." It was true, Lanie had read Kate's chart.

Alexis smiled softly, sadness behind her blue eyes, from where she stood next to the medical examiner, leaning in to kiss Kate's forehead as they bundled her up.

Alexis had been devastated to learn about what had happened to Kate, carrying no small amount of guilt over her own anger towards the detective in the days that followed the wedding. Nevertheless, once Beckett was found Alexis was present, offering any help she could. The red-head rarely left the hospital. She decided to take time from her classes that week to devote herself to caring for her father, who was more concerned about Kate's health than he was his own.

Alexis made sure he ate and brought him a fresh change of clothes, convincing him to take a quick shower and shave, "You'll want to be freshened up when she wakes, dad." Alexis pressed.

Less than an hour later, Castle held Kate's hand as Lanie and Alexis worked together to wash and dry the detective's hair, wanting her to be clean and comfortable when she finally opened her eyes. Her hair had thinned considerably, but she'd had a lot of it, and what was left was now clean and fresh; pulled back into a French braid that Alexis had carefully woven.

Now they simply sat, keeping silent vigil as they waited for her to open her eyes.

* * *

_Kate could hear voices, they were clear from the other side of the door and she was curious. She didn't recall them planning to have company. Nevertheless, there were multiple voices coming from the loft. Some she recognized, others she didn't._

_Kate inserted her key into the lock, preparing herself for the company that Castle was obviously keeping. She pushed the door open, a smile plastered on her face to greet their guests, but found complete and utter silence. The room was empty and there was no person to be found. _

_It was disorienting, to hear so many voices from the hallway but to find complete silence on the other side of the door. Kate shrugged her jacket off and set her keys on the end table. _

"_Hello?" She called out. The detective could have sworn that there were people in the loft, and quite a few at that. She briefly wondered if they were hiding, playing some sort of trick on her. _

"_Anyone home?" She called again, this time standing in the center of the living room. She could see that there was nobody in the kitchen and Castle's office was empty too. The bedroom door was closed as well, indicating that she was alone. Kate peered up the stairs and tried to gain a glimpse of the hallway above. She was only met with silence. There was no one in the loft. _

_Beckett moved to the bedroom door, reaching for the handle. Her hand paused suddenly as she heard a familiar voice behind her. It was a voice she hadn't heard in a very long time. _

"_Don't go in there quite yet, Katie." _

_Kate turned, disbelief on her face as she took in her mother, standing next to the kitchen counter as if she belonged there. She didn't trust her own senses in that moment, surely she wasn't staring at her mother. _

"_but… how?" She blurted, trying to control her racing thoughts and overwhelming emotions. _

_Johanna Beckett simply reached out for her daughter, "come here. It's ok." _

_Kate couldn't understand why, but she sensed that she was safe. She could feel her mother's love and went with the pull she felt towards the woman standing in front of her. A few quick strides later and Kate was in her mother's arms, no longer daring to question the miracle that had occurred. _

"_Shhh… the woman stroked her back. I know, sweetheart." Her words were comforting, a soothing balm to her weariness. Kate found that she couldn't let go, needing the comfort so dearly. Finally, her mother pushed her back slightly, just enough to look into her eyes but not so much as to break their contact. _

"_Look at you." Johanna took her daughter in, "so grown up, so strong. I'm so proud of you Katie." _

_Beckett wiped the tears from her face as she smiled at her mother's words. _

"_The dress is beautiful too." The older woman commented. _

_At that moment Kate looked down at herself. She was no longer in her work clothes, but wasn't wearing her wedding dress either. She looked over to the mirror on the wall and gasped. The detective recognized the dress, simple and elegant, one from photographs of a time long ago. She looked back to her mother, _

"_I'm wearing your wedding dress." She stated in shock. Her mom simply nodded with a smile. _

"_Katie, it doesn't matter what you wear. The feeling you have, that I'm standing right behind you- trust it. I'm always with you, admiring your strength and passion, proud of the person you've become, and so relieved to know you've got Rick." _

"_Castle." Beckett stated, "Mom, you would have loved him." She smiled, feeling warmth welling up inside her. Johanna simply nodded in agreement, _

"_I do love him." It was a simple statement, and one that reminded Kate once again that her mother was, in fact with her. She was reassured that Johanna Beckett had never truly left. _

"_It's just about time that you go back to him." Johanna stated, taking her daughter in wistfully once again. Kate nodded, turning to look at the bedroom door, somehow drawn there. Before she could respond, Beckett felt a slight tugging against her dress. She looked down to find a child, a little boy sitting there, a goofy and familiar smile on his face. _

_Kate took a step back, staring at him and trying to make sense of it all. The detective figured that he couldn't have been any more than a year old, with bright blue eyes and golden-brown hair that curled at the edges. The adorable boy smiled at her before he turned and reached for Johanna, who scooped him up. _

_Beckett looked back to her mother, confusion on her face as she waited for some sort of explanation. _

"_He's going to stay with me for right now, Katie; but I promise when it's time he'll come back." _

_Kate nodded slowly, not understanding her mother's words but once again feeling pulled to the bedroom door. She turned to look once again at her mother, a small but happy child in the woman's arms and a loving smile on her face. _

"_Go ahead, love. I'll always be right here." _

_Kate smiled and nodded, feeling a sense of comfort as she made her way to the door, pushing the handle. She turned back once more, only to find that Johanna was gone. The detective sighed wistfully, feeling more of an urge to cross into the bedroom than to question where her mother had gone. _

* * *

She heard voices, the steady rhythm and beeping of machines, felt much warmer than she had in days. She tried to wrap her mind around the voices, all of them familiar. _The radio?_ She wondered to herself. It was the only source of sound she'd had.

The next sensation she was aware of was a gentle stroking, warm and steady fingers against her hand. _That's new._ The thought occurred to her as the confusion set in a little more. She tried to open her eyes, but found the glaring lights to be painful. She let out a whimper with the sensation.

"Kate!" She heard her name, she recognized the voice.

"Castle." She replied, listening as the room erupted with laughter and sighs of relief. She still couldn't open her eyes. She wanted to shrink away from the laughter, to make it stop.

"Dream?" She wondered aloud, speaking to hear the sound of her own voice and afraid to hope. She'd had such difficulty distinguishing reality from her dreams as of late.

"Open your eyes, Kate. You're not dreaming. I promise." She felt his breath on her face, felt his kisses on her brow. Beckett could even feel the stubble on his chin. _He needs to shave. _The thought crossed her mind, having no real place in her current mindset. This was more real than before. She could smell him, feel his breath on her face. Plus, in none of her dreams had it been so bright, so painful; so hard to see.

"Bright." She finally let out, prompting another voice, one she recognized to be Martha.

"Oh, my- yes!" Moments later the lights were dimmed.

Kate tried again, opening her eyes slowly, testing the waters. Her heart sped with the anxiety of the moment, and she shut them again. She was filled with the fear that she would open them to find herself back in that room; alone once again.

"It's ok. You're safe, we've got you." His whisper came to her ear, tickling her skin slightly and reinforcing through her senses that this was not a dream. The smooth strokes of his fingers and his soft words of comfort gave her the strength and courage to finally open her eyes.

She sighed in relief, tears welling as she looked at him, raising her arm to stroke his cheek. He hadn't disappeared. She'd reached out for him in the past and he'd gone away, only to be replaced with cold emptiness. However, this time he remained- his skin firm and warm under her touch.

Soon Kate found the movement of touching his face, the reaching, to require altogether too much strength and soon she rested her arm again at her side. "You're here."

Castle laughed with joy, leaning in to kiss her lips softly. He pulled back moments later, but she would not let him go. Her fists grasped the front of his shirt as she stared at him, unwilling to look away. "You're here." She repeated. Castle smiled, moving himself around the tubes that were connected to her body and coming to rest in the bed alongside her.

"I'm here." He cradled her gently, allowing her to adjust to the feel of his body against hers. Soon she molded herself to him, attempting to closer than seemed physically possible; seeking out her anchor, her rock.

Kate didn't take notice of anyone else in the room until she was securely in his arms, wrapped up in him; safe to take on the world once again.


	12. Chapter 12

**I love my reviewers! Thanks to my guest reviewer for getting back to me on the legal comment! If Fbobs is the cream in my story's coffee, you are the sugar! All of your feedback is appreciated.**

* * *

The room was filled with well-wishers, and the hospital staff only allowed it because they considered Castle's fiancé to be VIP. It didn't hurt that he'd catered the meals of each shift. However, Kate's family and friends could soon see that she needed a little time and space. While she appeared to be alert and oriented, she would rapidly shift from hypervigilant to barely aware of her surroundings. She also seemed to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, sometimes in mid-conversation.

The doctor explained that it would take time for Kate's brain, for her senses to readjust to being around people, and that she simply needed a bit of time. To avoid overwhelming her in those early hours, Martha, Alexis and the boys made their way to the cafeteria for dinner while Kate's dad visited. Castle remained with Beckett in the room, as his physical proximity seemed necessary for her to cope immediately following her rescue.

Lanie sat quietly in the room, waiting for her turn with Kate and allowing the detective to take things slowly. She did quite well considering that she'd been denied human contact for nearly a month. Lanie knew of the potential effects that such isolation could have on her physical and mental health. She remembered reading the studies during her psychiatric rounds, both during and post-medical school. There was a syndrome to describe the impacts that might befall Kate, and only time would tell if she would fall prey to the symptoms.

Lanie observed cautiously as Kate interacted with her father. The medical examiner watched as Jim Beckett held his daughter's hand gently, noticing that she would flinch if he added any sort of pressure. She also noticed that Kate would jump when the door opened, if something in the room was knocked over or dropped, or when someone would raise their voice. She would also cry out if the lights were suddenly turned on. _Hypersensitive to touch and sound_, Lanie reflected to herself grimly. The sensitivity to light was to be expected, but the others were indicative of some deeper issue.

* * *

Later the staff psychologist visited, sharing her opinions with Kate's family in the hallway while the nurses cared for Kate's personal hygiene. The psychologist had spoken at length with Kate's medical staff and was prepared to offer her insights. Alexis watched from the hallway where her family was gathered, keeping her eyes on Kate. It was odd to watch how pliant she seemed in the nurses arms. It was as if the detective was a rag doll. The psychologist spoke, shifting Alexis' attention back to the current conversation.

"People water fast for similar time periods and are able to recover well as long as they gradually re-introduce food in a deliberate manner. Kate should be able to re-gain the weight she lost with the help of our medical staff. Physical therapy will help her with muscle mass and strength as well." The psychologist spoke, earning a nod from Kate's primary physician.

"The real struggle for Kate will be coping with the emotional ramifications of prolonged isolation. As she gains consciousness, becomes more alert- and remains oriented for longer periods of time, we'll evaluate her mental state and work extensively to gradually build up her tolerance for external stimuli." It was clear that Lanie had shared her observations with the psychologist, who hadn't been surprised at all.

She'd explained that it was common for those exposed to similar circumstances, namely prison inmates- to suffer from such isolation, but that prisoners were seldom left for the prolonged period of time that Kate was.

"The likelihood of emotional and cognitive complications, as well as PTSD and sleep disturbances are quite high, so keeping her in touch with a strong support system from the beginning and throughout her recovery will dramatically reduce the likelihood of such conditions developing. We will also want to provide her with every opportunity to talk about her trauma." The psychologist continued.

"You don't know Kate." Rick commented. Afterall, Beckett wasn't exactly expressive when it came to her thoughts and emotions. The doctor merely nodded in understanding, but did not comment on Kate's past behaviors or personality.

Castle found it interesting, but not surprising that such an experience could trigger Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He wondered if the fact that Kate had already worked her way through PTSD after the shooting would help her or hurt her. Only time would tell.

"In the mean time," the psychologist continued, "keeping things low-key, preventing her senses from becoming overwhelmed-visual and auditory especially, and giving her time to gradually adjust will be in her best interest."

Her family and friends nodded, understanding that what Kate needed most was time and support, and to take things at her own pace. It seemed fitting to them, considering that Kate Beckett couldn't be pushed to do anything before she was ready anyhow.

"What do we tell her when she asks about what happened?" Castle looked to the psychologist, needing more guidance,

"What do we tell her when she asks if they caught the people responsible?" He was rambling now and the next question simply slipped out.

"What do we tell her about…about the baby?"

The psychologist took in Castle's question, a sympathetic expression on her face.

"Really, there is no right or wrong time when it comes to things like this, Mr. Castle. I wish I had a solid answer for you, but the best we can do is let Kate take the lead. When she asks about her abduction, about the case, I wouldn't deny the information." The doctor spoke.

"Deny her information...That would be one sure-fire way to piss her off." Ryan offered, earning the first smiles of the evening from the somber crowd. The psychologist smiled too, but became serious again as she thought of how to best handle the latter issue.

"Give her some time, enough to orient herself to her surroundings and come to grips with all that's happened. Continue to be a source of support for her, a secure base for her. Then, when you think the time is right, you can tell her. Above all else, let her take the lead. When she asks, be honest."

Castle found the psychologist's response to be remarkably unhelpful. So when will that be? _Today? Next week?_ _Should I tell her before our 40__th__ anniversary? Will we ever have an anniversary? _His thoughts became increasingly dark as his thoughts ran away from him.

Noting the frustration on his face, the psychologist added, "sooner would be better than later, but let her take the lead with questioning. You might be surprised to learn how much she already knows, or what she might suspect about her own body."

Castle couldn't possibly imagine that Kate would simply _know_, but nodded to the doctor nevertheless. Martha squeezed his arm supportively, aware how hard Castle was taking things.

Alexis looked back into the hospital room once more, watching as Kate stared off into space blankly. To see her so unhinged, so _absent _was disconcerting. The young woman only hoped that Beckett would return to herself as soon as possible. Judging from the blank look on Kate's face, the prospect didn't seem likely.

* * *

Later that evening Castle lay in the hospital bed with Beckett, his arms around her securely. She placed both of her hands on the back of his, intertwining their fingers and squeezing repeatedly as if to test the sensation and reassure herself that he was actually there simultaneously. She was the most alert he'd seen her, and it was only after he climbed back into bed with her.

It was strange for him to see his fiancé, who was always together, self-assured and strong, to be acting so out of character. _How would you act if you'd been denied social contact for a month?_ He thought to himself wryly. He reassured himself that she just needed time.

They lay in silence for awhile, simply enjoying the feel of one another. There was so much that Castle wanted to say, wanted to tell her. Yet, he was unable to form words out of fear that he would overwhelm her. _Let her take the lead_, the psychologist's voice repeated in his head.

Soon, she did.

"How long was I gone?" She whispered. Slowly taking in her surroundings, exploring the dimly lit hospital room visually.

He was silent for a moment, unlacing their fingers and lightly caressing her arms as he thought how to best respond.

"How long was I in that room, Castle?" She asked again. Her hands clasped and remained in a tight squeeze on top of his, stilling his movement as she waited for an answer.

"It took us 27 days to find you." He responded, blinking away tears and trying to keep the emotion from his voice. This was about her for now.

"Tyson." She whispered, surprising Castle with her knowledge.

"What do you remember?" He asked tentatively.

"Not much," she whispered, "I remember waking up chained to a bed. I was in my dress…" She paused between sentences. Whether it was because she was trying to recall or simply gathering her strength was not clear.

"I remember Kelly Neiman. She came and said some things…can't really remember what. Then she was gone." Kate spoke.

"I can't tell you much after that. It's all a blur." Her voice was weak and her body fragile in his arms.

Castle sighed, pulling her more deeply into his embrace and allowing them both a moment of security in one another's touch. She then whispered, head tilted against his and lips close to Castle's ear.

"Our wedding." She whispered in devistation, mourning the loss of their special day.

"Not important now, we'll have our day…even better than we planned." He was hopeful for a moment. Kate surprised him by changing the subject and perhaps he could deter her from such dark thoughts for the evening.

"Tell me what happened, Castle. Tell me everything." _No such luck,_ he reflected on the now lost topic of their wedding. It didn't occur to him that the talking about their lost wedding might have been more difficult for her to handle.

"Are you sure, Kate?" He whispered, kissing her brow.

She simply nodded against him.

"Well, you know about Tyson and Neiman. You know you were in a room for about a month. They drugged you." He spoke.

"The water." She affirmed. He simply nodded against her.

"He killed Neiman." Castle offered, not gaining too much of a reaction from Beckett.

"We found evidence on her that led us to you." He stated again. Castle was beginning to wonder if he should stop the conversation. It seemed like a lot for one night. Then again, the psychologist told him to let her take the lead.

"Kate?" He whispered to her.

"Mmmmhmmmm." Came her reply. He could feel her relax against him and took it as a positive sign. Afterall, the safer she felt in his arms, the better she would take the news.

He soon learned that he wouldn't have to press on that evening, as Kate had apparently lost consciousness mid-conversation. In fact, he wasn't sure how much of the conversation she would remember later.

Castle kissed her softly, enjoying the feel of her in his arms once again. Soon enough he was asleep too, finally giving in to the exhaustion that had been the past several weeks of his life.

Together they slept solidly, securely and with the knowledge that they were once again safe in each other's arms.

**The End. **

**Hahaha. Just kidding. Not even close. ;-) **


	13. Chapter 13

**Greetings and Happy Monday! Here's the next chapter. I intend to follow a similar schedule as last week, although publishing may drop to every other day as my grading load is pretty high.**

* * *

The first nights in the hospital after Kate's return to consciousness were turbulent. Her body reacted well to the re-feeding process, although she was still some time away from eating solid foods. In the early days her nourishment came from a feeding tube. She was also warned that it would be some time before her body was ready to process meats or complex carbohydrates.

IV fluids and feeding tubes served her well, as no trace of hunger had returned. The doctors informed them that lack of hunger was not abnormal, and that her appetite would likely surface with time. She seemed to become stronger each day, able to be awake for longer periods of time.

To prevent further atrophy a physical therapist visited her daily, helping her by simply moving her arms and legs. He showed her exercises that she could do from the bed, starting small and building herself up as her strength slowly returned.

Nevertheless, Kate still spent about half the time sleeping. Both the doctor and psychologist agreed that it was normal. As resting provided her body the chance to recover and make the most out of the nutrients she now had. Sleep also provided time for her mind to recover. Unconsciousness protected her from over-stimulation, very much the way an infant's brain would.

When she was alone in the room, Kate was lost. She quickly became overwhelmed and was unable to focus on any given aspect of her surroundings. Her panic would alert the medical staff, as her heart monitor would sound.

On the other hand, when Rick was around things were different. Lanie noticed that when he wasn't with her in bed, or holding her hand next to the bed, she would track him; her eyes would remain on him and follow him wherever he went. Kate gradually became better at holding conversations, visiting with loved ones, at answering doctor's questions and at attending to her environment; but her attention never wavered from Castle for too long. It was as if she was using him as an anchor to keep her grounded.

Castle found it interesting that she appeared to need him equally while asleep. He would lay with her, nestled against her body in the hospital bed, and she would continuously touch him. She craved the skin-to-skin contact, often able to soothe herself with a simple touch. Castle knew his fiancé well enough to know that this need for reassurance would likely not last, so he made the most of the experience while it did. The truth was he needed the contact, the reassurance that they were once again together, as much as she did.

In those early days the touching had little to do with sexuality and more with the need for some sort of solid ground. Kate was drifting, using Castle as the anchor to pull her back to earth- again and again.

In the evenings Beckett would awaken with a startle, disoriented and panic-filled; but the feel of him beside her, the squeeze of his arms, allowed the detective to remember that she was safe and that the nightmare was over.

* * *

On day 5 Kate met individually with the Psychologist for the first time. The doctor insisted that they meet alone. With trepidation, she agreed, but was reassured that Castle would be right down the hall should she need him.

Beckett hated the fact that she was so reliant on him, but found that she couldn't control her anxiety levels without Rick. It made her feel helpless and weak. In fact, the more time she spent conscious, and the fewer sedatives provided to help her rest and recover, the more frustrated Kate became by her situation.

The doctor started their first session small, with some light conversation.

"So, how are we treating you here?" The therapist was very light-hearted in her tone.

Kate smiled, "the food is lacking." She joked. It was encouraging for the both of them. The doctor was glad that Kate was able to engage with her.

"Well, I hear the liquid diet is all the rage these days." Kate's therapist commented. It earned a smile from Beckett.

"The method leaves something to be desired." Kate motioned to her IV and the tube, which made talking slightly uncomfortable.

"Any hunger?" The therapist questioned.

"No." Kate answered bluntly.

"That's not uncommon, give it time." She responded.

Kate simply nodded, fixating on a painting on the wall.

"It seems that you've got a constant guard of family and friends, always visiting and giving support." The doctor attempted to lead Kate into more substantial conversation. Beckett smiled.

"Yeah. They're pretty amazing." Kate commented, "They're there for me when I need them and they give me space when I don't."

"And Castle?" The therapist asked. Beckett released a sigh.

"What was that for?" The doctor commented on Kate's reaction.

"Castle is wonderful, I'm just not used to… It's hard for me."

"What is hard for you?"

"Needing him so much. I've always needed him, and he's always been there for me." The doctor nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"But-I've always been able to come to him on my terms, in my time. This is different, it's…" Beckett was lost for words.

"It's what, Kate?"

"It's helpless. I'm helpless. I've always needed him, but not to this extent. I hate this _weakness_, but it feels like I can't function without him."

"Kate. You are functioning right now, and it's just you and me."

Beckett inhaled deeply, releasing a sigh. The knowledge both made her anxious and assured. It was an odd conflict of emotions.

"It will get better, Kate. You were denied human contact for a month. Even prison inmates don't experience isolation for that long a time. You were what might be equivalent to a prisoner of war. That is no small trauma. Do you understand?"

Kate nodded, her expression darkening. The therapist sensed it was time to dig a little deeper.

"So, Kate, why don't you tell me what you recall."

She was silent for a moment, staring off into space. She didn't know where to begin. The doctor could tell that Kate was lost and starting to drift, to lose focus. It was not at all surprising, as prolonged isolation often interfered with attention and focusing.

The doctor tried a more specific approach.

"Small steps, Kate. Tell me about your wedding day. What's the last thing you remember?" The therapist attempted.

Beckett took a deep breath. "I remember that I asked everyone to give me a minute. I remember I wanted a moment with my mom- with her memory." She was silent then.

"Is that all you remember, Kate?"

Beckett turned away, staring off into the corner. She shook her head. "No." She stated. The doctor remained silent, prompting Beckett to continue.

"I was staring in the mirror and I closed my eyes, thinking of my mom." She closed her eyes, returning to that moment. "When I opened them _he_ was there." Kate whispered.

"Who was there, Kate?"

"Tyson. He was standing there, smiling at me with this sickening expression. I was so shocked to see him that I didn't notice the person standing behind the mirror. I felt something, a sting at my neck and everything went black." She admitted.

"Then I woke up in a room. I think you know the rest." Kate stated bluntly, signaling the doctor that the topic was closed for the time being.

Her therapist was glad that the session was recorded, as Kate's memory could not only be used as evidence, but the doctor knew that she could be called as an expert witness- Kate willing.

"That's a terrifying memory." The doctor stated, validating the horror of the experience.

"I've been through trauma before." Kate simply stated, as if her experience wasn't an excuse for her weakness.

"Kate, please give yourself permission to go through this, to heal from this. If that means needing to let Castle carry the load for awhile, then let him." The therapist urged her.

Kate just nodded, it appeared as if she didn't have a choice in the matter.

* * *

After her therapy session the day passed with little event. Kate felt slightly unhinged after talking about her first memory. She'd yet to share it with Castle. It made her feel exposed, vulnerable even.

Kate didn't open up to Castle because she could sense that something was off. This wasn't the first time she'd picked up on it. It was as if all her friends and family were keeping something from her.

The more alert and oriented she became, the more she suspected something was off. At first Kate thought it was simply them not knowing how to _be_ around her, how to react to such a horrible circumstance. Yet, the nagging feeling continued.

Alexis and Martha continued to smile at her sadly, despite the fact that she was recovering so well. Her dad and Lanie would do the same. Castle was the worst, except instead of staring at her sadly, he seemed to be falsely positive; constantly wanting to keep her attention diverted from whatever it was that nagged him so.

It all came to heads that evening, when Kate couldn't take it anymore.

"Castle." She spoke, staring at where their fingers were laced together. He was sitting in a chair next to her bed, staring at the television and pretending to watch. The tension in the air was unbearable.

"Just…out with it. What is it that you're not telling me?" Kate asked.

She'd spent a good amount of time trying to figure it out. At first she wondered if it was about Tyson. However, Kate knew that they had no clue where he was, or evidence to find him. She couldn't be surprised by that. Surely they all knew and accepted the fact.

Castle hesitated for a moment, squeezing her hand and tracing patterns with his finger across the back of her wrist. She was so terribly small, so vulnerable, and had such a long road to go. He didn't want to tell her what she needed to know. _Let_ _her take the lead_, the doctor once again sounded in his head. Those words seemed to be a mantra as of late.

"Castle?" She pressed again.

He swallowed nervously, lifting his gaze from her wrist to make eye contact. His eyes were already watering and for the first time, Kate was scared of what he might have to say. She figured it was about the case, that they were trying to keep something from her about the case. Now Kate worried that it was something much deeper.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" She asked.

He shook his head, grasping her hand firmly as if to keep her with him. "Kate." He whispered.

"When you were taken…" He paused, not sure how to tell her. He tried another approach.

"When we brought you to the hospital they ran blood tests and gave you a full physical exam. They needed to know how to best treat you; they need a plan on how to move forward." He spoke.

Kate nodded at him, urging him to continue. The anticipation of what he might say was weighting on her.

"During the exam they discovered that..." He looked back down to her hand, now clasping it in between both of his. Then he spoke.

"They discovered that you were pregnant when Tyson took you, and that the baby died." He looked to her, locking eyes and waiting; just waiting for her to process it all.

She was silent for a moment, not reacting. For a moment Castle wondered if she'd understood what he was telling her. Then she gasped, sucking in her breath almost violently.

For a moment Kate felt her breath leave her body, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to catch it again. She simply gasped again and again, hyperventilating.

"Kate." Castle moved to the bed, holding her in his arms.

Beckett's heart monitor sounded, her body seemingly going into shock. She lurched herself forward, continuing to gasp. Castle held her firmly, stroking her brow and trying his best to calm her.

The nurses soon entered the room, taking one look at her state and moving to her IV. "Kate." The nurse spoke, "I need you to calm down." Castle looked at the woman as if she was insane. It was clear to anyone who saw her that Beckett was beyond simply calming down. The charge nurse approached; pulled a syringe she'd grabbed from her cart out of her pocket and pushed a fluid into the drip.

Seconds later Kate calmed, relaxing back into Castle's arms. Whatever the nurse had provided sedated her, calming her heart and allowing her to breathe normally once again. Tears streamed down her cheeks as he continued to hold her, rocking her back and forth and whispering soothing words of love.

"No." She whispered feebly, her grasp loosening on him. Then she lost consciousness, slipping into blissful darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Greetings again folks. I'm glad you're enjoying this story and hope you continue to do so. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. **

* * *

_It was a bright and beautiful Sunday, the perfect summer day for a stroll down the beach. Kate couldn't recall a time when she'd felt more peaceful, more at ease. She watched and laughed as Rick tossed the little boy over his head, earning a fit of giggles as he caught him mid-air. The sun captured the golden undertones in the boy's curly hair, causing Kate to smile. _

_He had his mother's hair and personality, but his father's eyes and goofy grin. Kate was taken by just how perfect he was. _

"_Be careful." She yelled sternly, attempting to muster as much authority as possible. Castle simply continued to laugh, blowing raspberries on the little boy's stomach. Their son. _

_Kate couldn't help but laugh as Castle set him down, allowing him to run on the beach, his chubby little legs propelling him forward at a miraculous speed. The ocean was shallow along the boy's legs, crashing against his little feet but not violent enough to deter his actions. _

_Rick ran to Kate, grabbing her hand and lacing their fingers together as they watched the little boy bend down to grab shells a few feet ahead of them. She rested her head against his shoulder, noting the glint of her wedding band in the sun as she stared down at her own hand momentarily._

_Castle stopped mid-stride, but said nothing. She found it odd. He seemed to be looking strangely at the little boy as he continued to play with shells. The water had receded, pulled far out to sea. Kate watched as the toddler clapped with delight, running as he spotted a huge conch shell._

_Kate was filled with confusion, unease as he lifted the shell, displaying it proudly for both of them to see. Her trepidation soon turned to panic as she saw the large wave, rushing towards them. She turned to Castle, who simply stared forward, no longer responding to her. She let out a scream, propelling herself forward to try and grab the child before the wave did; but found that her feet were impeded by the sand, her legs felt incredibly heavy and she could only run in slow motion. _

_Kate collapsed onto the beach and cried out, watching helplessly as the wave swept the child out to sea. She screamed for Castle, but he was gone. _

_The water came to shore and Kate was now chest deep. She still couldn't move her feet, but used her arms to search in the murky water for any sign of the child. _

"_He's not there, Katie." Came her mother's voice. Yet, when Kate turned around she found herself alone. She didn't bother to move, instead she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. She didn't care if the water swallowed her whole. _

* * *

She woke up sobbing, "I couldn't get to him. I couldn't save him." She spoke weakly, finding Castle right beside her, pulling her into his arms.

"Shhh." He kissed her brow.

"I tried, but I couldn't do it, Castle. I tried." She was helpless, broken.

"It wasn't your fault, Kate. Please hear me, it wasn't your fault." He kissed her brow, urging her to be coherent enough to absorb his words. Slowly, her breathing settled, becoming steady. For a moment Castle thought she fell back asleep.

"I had no idea." She spoke. It was the truth. Kate had no idea that she was pregnant.

"I know." He whispered, believing that she would have told him had she known. Kate inhaled sharply, one last breath needed to shake off the effects of her horrible dream.

She sat up, looking at Castle with more clarity than he'd seen in days. He adjusted himself to her level, reaching down to grab the bed remote and elevate the head. It gave Kate the opportunity to be upright and the physical support to remain there.

"Did they know how far along I was?" She questioned.

"The doctor said about 10 weeks. It was still early in the pregnancy." Kate nodded, absorbing the information. She hesitated for a moment before sharing.

"It was a boy." She stated.

"Well, we don't know that. I mean, they're going to perform an exam and learn as much as possible, but-"

"It was a boy." Kate spoke again, finality in her voice. Rick pulled a tissue from the box by the bedside, one for him and one for her.

"I've seen him twice now." She took the tissue Castle handed her, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I didn't remember the first dream until I had the second." Kate spoke again. Castle simply listened, rubbing soothing circles into her back as she leaned forward, staring now at the tissue in her hands.

"Was that...was that the second dream, just now?" Castle asked, referring to her startled awakening and her emotional state. She nodded.

"Both times my mom was there. The first time- before I woke up here, she was talking to me at the loft, and she was holding a baby boy." Kate whispered. Rick's eyes began to water once again, sorrow filling him once more.

"This time he was a toddler, and we were on the beach, but…" She couldn't give more detail. It was too painful to think about.

"I lost him. We lost him. I was helpless to watch it happen. Then I heard my mom's voice again. _He's not there, Katie, _she told me."

Rick simply held her, both of them grieving the possibilities that had been lost to them. Castle hadn't given himself permission to wonder on the baby's gender. It was too difficult, but now he couldn't help but envision a sweet little boy, lost to them forever.

"He'll come back. When it's time, he'll come back." Kate whispered, as if reading Rick's mind. It was the last thing she spoke as she settled herself onto his chest and fell asleep once again.

Castle was so struck by her words, by how out of character they were for his stoic and skeptic detective, that he was speechless. Kate Beckett was the last person to speak of spirituality and the metaphysical, yet her words were filled with truth and certainty. He simply let her statement settle within himself, hoping that they were true.

* * *

Later that morning the boys sat at the precinct, going over evidence that had compiled in the week following Neiman's death. It had been quite a ride for them. Before Beckett had awakened, they were hot on the trail of several new leads; all of which surrounded Kelly Neiman.

Although there was no trace evidence on her body, as Tyson was too good for that, they were able to use the single credit card receipt that led them to the bistro across from the loft. The same receipt led them to the woman's apartment. The evidence trail was so sloppy that they couldn't help but wonder if it was all intentional. As a result, they waited for backup from both the NYPD and the FBI before visiting the address.

The apartment was upscale, in immaculate condition, and it seemed as though the place had been wiped clean of physical evidence.

"Why am I not surprised by another dead end?" Ryan spoke bitterly.

"I'm not so sure about that." One of the technicians spoke as they examined the walls with florescent light. The light soon relieved a single smear of blood in the air conditioning vent on the wall behind the flat screen TV.

"Tyson's work was never bloody, why would there be blood?" Esposito questioned cautiously. It was odd that there were no fingerprints, but a single smear of blood was present. Ryan grabbed a step ladder and with a drill provided by another technician, removed the vent cover. Inside he found a box.

The boys took the box into evidence and transported it to the precinct, leaving CSU to continue sweeping the apartment for evidence.

Once back at the 12th, Ryan and Esposito set themselves with Gates as they removed the objects one by one. With gloved hands, they handled the contents with care. Inside they found a letter, clippings of hair, a pair of earrings, a syringe, a match booklet, and several photographs of Castle and Beckett. It appeared as if the photographs were taken over a long period of time, and all depicted the couple in various stages of wedding planning.

Gates pulled the letter open and read the writing,

"_Dearest Jerry,_

_Or perhaps I should address this to the fine folks at the NYPD, as chances are that if anyone is reading this, I'm dead. To whomever reads this, please grant me the last request of reading this letter to my beloved. _

_While I love you, Jerry; I don't trust you. I know I can't run, and I know I can't hide- you're too good for that, but I can promise that if you harm a single hair on my head, you'll rot in hell. Hence, I've gathered a few trinkets to honor our time together. I apologize for keeping such secrets from you, but rest assured that if I am not harmed, no one will ever find them. This won't even be on your radar, darling. Afterall, we know that blood is too messy for your tastes. Why on earth would you look for a tiny blood stain that I took care to wash away, such as the one I left on the wall? You wouldn't. The cops would, but not you, dear. _

_I've enclosed in this box several items related to the kidnapping of Kate Beckett, which was committed by both of us; I considered it a shared hobby- meant to bring us closer. Now Jerry, I know you're likely to pin this one on me. However you'll note that there is a specific object enclosed that will tie you to the crime as much as me. You are welcome, my sweet._

_Now, I know you prize yourself on not being found, so you'll have to accept my apologies, darling. Afterall, I wanted the fine detectives to enjoy a drink in my memory. I'm sure you'd understand. That's all for now my dear, although I'm sure we'll meet again one day. _

_I'll see you in hell, my beloved. Yours truly, Kelly." _

The letter had a single marking in blood beneath Kelly's signature. They had no doubt that the blood would be hers and that the letter would be covered with her fingerprints. Further, finding a signed receipt would guarantee they could compare and confirm the letter was written by Neiman.

It would appear the doctor was very thorough.

"Hell hath no fury." Ryan stated.

"Like a woman murdered?" Esposito looked to his partner, eyebrow cocked.

"Ok, let's process all of these things; see what the smoking gun that Neiman mentioned might be." Gates sounded encouraged. It would appear that for the first time, they had a lead. She left the boys to their work as she called McCord to share the good news.

* * *

It was later in the day when the boys stopped by the hospital. They were beside themselves, eager to share their exciting news with Castle. Although they'd planned to pull the writer aside, the boys were surprised to find Kate awake and quite conversational. She'd come incredibly far since the last time they'd seen her and it had only been days.

"How are you feeling?" Esposito asked Kate.

"Well, you know. Life is better when you've got food. Even if it is from a tube." She spoke wryly. Kate was feeling a bit better. She'd had another appointment with the therapist, one that had lasted a bit longer. The baby didn't come up. Afterwards she slept away the afternoon, waking just an hour or so before the boys arrived.

Both Ryan and Esposito laughed with relief at Kate's joke, as she sounded like herself again. She was weak and frail, but her personality was very much there. Nevertheless, they weren't sure how far they should press things.

"Um, Castle. Can we talk to you for a minute?" Ryan tried to motion him into the hallway.

"Boys, it's fine. You can tell me whatever you've got to say to Castle." She spoke. She was leery, especially after last night's blow, but couldn't stand the thought of anymore secrets.

"Well, it's actually good news." Esposito spoke.

"We found Neiman's apartment and it would appear that she left a little care package." He continued.

"A fail safe, just in case something should happen to her." Ryan interjected.

Beckett listened, but didn't really engage with the boys. Castle leaned in with interest,

"What did you find?" The writer questioned.

"Well, we're still processing a great deal of it, but according to the letter, there's a smoking gun in that evidence." Ryan supplied.

"What do you think it is?" Castle asked.

"We're not sure, but we're hoping for something that will tie Tyson to Kate's kidnapping. Maybe DNA or fingerprints… anything, really." Ryan spoke. Everyone knew they'd been grasping for a lead.

"Don't trust a word she says, she's just as lethal as Tyson." Kate finally spoke, the first indicator that she was still listening.

"Yeah- She is lethal." Esposito responded, "which is why she might just be the type to do something just like this-the ultimate payback for what Tyson did to her." The detective seemed confidant. They all sat in Kate's hospital room, lost in the possibilities.

Only time would tell if the lead would pan out. If they would somehow finally bring Tyson to Justice.


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter became a bit more procedural than anticipated, but I felt it was necessary for storytelling purposes. **

**More soon to follow. **

* * *

Early next morning the boys were alerted to the arrival of the highly anticipated lab results. Both agent McCord and Captain Gates sat at the table in the conference room, waiting for Ryan and Esposito to join them. Once they were seated McCord began.

"We've definitely got Tyson, at least in reference to Beckett's kidnapping." She spoke.

The boys waited for her to clarify, but Gates spoke instead.

"The surveillance photographs had Tyson's prints, as did the earrings- which we confirmed Kate to be wearing. The hair was matched to detective Beckett as well. There is no doubt that the evidence was genuine and that Tyson was involved." She informed them.

They both nodded, but didn't appear too excited by the news. The boys glanced at each other and it was clear from their mutual expressions that they were on the same page.

"Forgive me, sir." Ryan spoke, "but a couple of finger prints on some photographs. That's hardly a smoking gun." The Irish detective spoke.

"Any defense attorney worth two cents will be able to write that off as nothing more than circumstantial." Esposito added. Captain Gates smiled at them nodding her agreement.

"You're right, that's not a smoking gun." She then pulled a baggie with a syringe, the same syringe found in Neiman's box, and held it up, "but this is." She spoke confidently.

They waited for her to explain, turning both of their heads to McCord when she spoke instead. Gates and McCord seemed to have formed some sort of odd partnership.

"The needle had trace amounts of blood, likely from the puncture wound. That DNA is a match to Beckett, and the finger prints on the syringe belong to Tyson."

Ryan and Esposito were considerably more impressed. It didn't seem like the triple killer would be so sloppy as to leave his prints, but it was certainly a possibility that Neiman intercepted the syringe before he could clean it. "So we can definitely tie him to the kidnapping?"

"We can more than tie him, we can charge him as an accomplice at the very least."

"First we have to find him." Ryan reminded them. Afterall, they couldn't very well look Tyson up in the phone book.

"Yeah." McCord agreed with them, "We have an idea."

* * *

Approximately two hours later Ryan and Esposito walked into the dimly lit bar. It was smoke filled and appeared to be relatively empty. Only few patrons would be expected at such an early hour of the day. The unassuming bar, called The Watering Hole, was a simple brownstone, difficult to find even if you were looking for it. The establishment blended into its surroundings.

The bar's address had been identified from the number on the match book from the box provided by Neiman. They figured that she wouldn't have included anything without a purpose. Therefore, Gates and McCord arranged to have the detectives check things out.

"_I've already sent two of my guys over there for a drink. They've been instructed to not approach anyone inquiring about Tyson. They're just there for backup in case things go awry." The boys nodded. _

"_This is just reconnaissance. We don't want to show our hand or spook him. It might be the only lead we've got." MCcord spoke. _

"_With all due respect, if we don't want to spook him, wouldn't it make more sense to send someone that Tyson wouldn't recognize? Afterall, he's dealt with the both of us at great length." Ryan questioned. _

"_We know that." Gates responded, "but frankly, if anyone will be equipped to deal with Tyson, or whatever tricks he may be up to, it is the two of you. We're not ruling out the possibility that all of this could be some elaborate trap." _

_The boys nodded. It appeared that the detectives were the best option anyone had. _

They looked around the bar, waiting a few moments for their eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, and moved towards the bar tender. It wasn't likely that they were going to find 3XK, but it was possible that someone might know where to look. This seemed like the best bet.

In the corner a young couple sat, sipping their drinks and laughing. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and whispered into her ear. She giggled abruptly. Esposito wouldn't have thought anything about it if he hadn't recognized them from previous briefings. He looked away as quickly as he'd spotted them, aware now of where their backup was.

Ryan grabbed a stool at the bar and ordered a beer. Soon Esposito did the same.

"That round's on me." Spoke a man sitting on the other side of the bar. He was sitting in the shadows and wearing a ball cap so it was difficult to get a good look at his face. Still, they recognized the voice immediately.

"Long time, no see." Tyson stepped out from around the other side of the bar. The bar tender simply looked on with interest. The man was a regular, there nearly every day, but this was the first time he'd seen him interact with anyone.

Esposito stood immediately, sensing Ryan's anger and not wanting to blow their chance. "Lots of people have been looking for you Tyson." Esposito spoke, a threat in his tone but still calm and collected.

"Is that so? I'm here most days of the week, just contemplating the meaning of life." He stretched his arms out casually as he came closer to the detectives, speaking to them as if they were old friends.

"How are you doing, Detective Ryan? No hard feelings about your old badge, right?" He spoke, taunting them both. One thing was apparent, Jerry Tyson was confidant. He was very confidant. It might just be the thing to break him.

"No worries, man." Ryan spoke, his tone steady.

"Have a seat, boys." Tyson spoke again, "I didn't mean to interrupt your afternoon break there. Although, aren't there policies about drinking while on duty?"

"Who says were on duty?" Esposito shot back. "Maybe I just want to have a cold one with my boy here." He motioned to Ryan. Tyson simply gave him a condescending smile.

"Come on, really?" Tyson pressed them, "and I suppose they're on a break too?" He spoke, motioning to the undercover agents in the corner, who now eyeing their conversation.

The boys said nothing. "If you knew who they were, then why are you still here?" Ryan spoke.

"I haven't broken any laws." Tyson spoke, "A man has a right to enjoy a drink, even if it is in the middle of the day." He noted, taking a seat next to the boys.

They joined him, playing their cards very carefully. It was possible that if Tyson was this confidant, he didn't know what cards they held, that they could tie him to the kidnapping. A sociopath like Tyson could easily allow himself to be found, just to taunt them like a cat would a powerless mouse.

"We're sorry to hear about your girlfriend." Ryan started, " Kelly Neiman."

"Heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking. I'll never be the same again." Tyson spoke flippantly. He then continued to speak, even more brazenly.

"You know, I read in the paper that they suspect that 3XK did it. I thought he was dead?" Tyson shot back at the boys. "I can't believe you still haven't caught him. That must be so embarrassing for you."

Esposito smiled at Tyson, not willing to take the bait and completely comfortable with allowing Tyson to think he had an edge.

"And the kidnapping of Detective Beckett? You heartbroken about that too?" Esposito questioned.

"Well, I read in the papers that they thought she ran from her own wedding. How embarrassing, how painful that must have been for Rick Castle. You know, my heart really went out to him." He began,

"Then I read about a daring rescue. You all got to her just in time. How exciting. I wonder who would play Beckett in the made-for-TV version of their story?" Now he was just toying with them for the hell of it.

"Cut the crap, Tyson." Ryan finally spit out, unable to take much more of the man's overconfidence.

"Is there something you'd like to add to the conversation, Irish?" Tyson leaned past Esposito to look Ryan in the eye.

"We know you're involved." Esposito stated.

"Is that so?" He spoke, not a hint of concern in his voice.

"Yeah, that's so." Ryan spit out. "We've…"

"Got reason to believe that your girlfriend took Beckett, and want to bring you in for questioning." Esposito interrupted his partner.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Kelly and I broke up months ago. She was a little too intense…to crazy … for my liking. She was unstable." He informed them, making light of the Irony in his statement.

"Well then, if you had nothing to do with it, surely you'll come down to the station." Esposito pressed. He wanted to use Tyson's overconfidence to their advantage. If they showed their hand now, revealed the evidence, chances were that he'd run. Esposito had no doubt that he could escape if he wanted to. At present their only advantage was that he was so brazen, so cocky, that he would likely enjoy a trip to the precinct- just to bask in the pleasure of being released and walking away as they all watched helplessly.

Tyson threw his hands into the air, "Why of course. Anything to help New York's finest." He then added, "but I want to ride with them." He had a twinge of excitement in his voice as he pointed once again to the agents. It was yet another way of mocking their attempts to be covert where he was concerned.

* * *

They interrogated him for nearly an hour, indirectly at first, but then targeting in on the kidnapping. Tyson was calm and collected the entire time, assuming the role of some random witness that volunteered to drop by to offer their help on a case. Esposito carried a hope that Tyson's overconfidence would get him into trouble. That he could get something substantial out of the killer before Tyson knew that he had done so.

Their biggest benefit was that Tyson had no idea about the evidence Neiman left behind, so if he continued to carry on in the casual manner he did there was a good chance the killer would unknowingly confirm some detail they'd suspected. However, soon enough Tyson was no longer buying into their casual manner.

"Look, it's been a blast catching up with you and all, but as I said- Kelly Neiman was crazy, and while I have no doubt that she would have been capable of such a heinous act, there is very little I can tell you." He then turned to Ryan to crack a joke, "These women can be crazy, am I right?" The detective had to suppress another urge to punch Tyson.

Finally, it seemed that he'd had enough of toying with them, "Well… if there isn't anything else for us to catch up on- than I'll just be on my way; I've got places to be and such. " He rose from his chair with a smirk on his face.

"Sit down, Mr. Tyson." Gates strolled in, ready to play hardball. They boys made their exit.

"I don't believe we've met."He spoke charmingly, attempting to throw Gates off her game.

"You don't know me, but I know you, Mr. Tyson. I know you very well. " The captain pressed, "and I know you are responsible for abducting one of my own detectives and holding her against her will for 27 days." She spat at him.

"Is that so?" Tyson simply stared at his fingernails, as if noticing that he needed to clean them.

"Yeah, that's so." She shot back to him. She held the file close to her, ready to let the true interrogation begin.

"I also know you've killed countless women. That it makes you feel strong to watch them suffer." She pushed on. They had no evidence that Tyson was the triple killer, as all case files had been removed and not a single aspect of any of the current murders could be tied to him. Still, Gates pressed him. She knew exactly what she was doing.

"I know you killed Kelly Neiman, she left behind evidence that you weren't good enough to find and get rid of." Gates dropped the file on the desk, opening it and allowing Jerry to read the letter. His expression became considerably more somber, but soon enough the mask slipped back into place.

"So," he finally spoke, putting the plastic-encased paper down, "this proves nothing, just the mutterings of an unstable woman." He insisted, waiting for Gates to take the first move.

The boys had both stood next to Agent McCord and watched from behind the observation glass.

"Why is she pressing him on the murders? He knows we don't have a case." Esposito questioned.

"Yeah, he may know we don't have a case where the murders are concerned, but if we go after him as if we did, he may admit to less serious charges… such as kidnapping." McCord stated.

They both nodded, turning their attention back to the interrogation room.

"We know you were involved, we know you conspired with her and we know she wound up dead. Those are the facts." Gates rose her voice threateningly. She didn't give him time to respond, instead continuing on her tirade.

"You both worked to kidnap Beckett and when things went south with Neiman, you murdered her." Gates was practically yelling now.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tyson stonewalled her again.

"Give it up, we've got Kate's blood and your fingerprints on the syringe- we know you were working together on Kate's abduction; we know you killed Kelly Neiman to get rid of the evidence. Only she didn't get rid of it, she left it behind just for us to find. It's over Jerry." She yelled, slamming a photo of the syringe along with the lab work onto the table.

"So, we were working together on the abduction. That doesn't prove I killed her." He stated maliciously.

Gates simply leaned back in her chair, grinning at him triumphantly. She'd gotten him to admit that he was involved with the kidnapping. His own confession along with their evidence would surely guarantee charges to be filed.

Tyson's expression sobered as he caught on to the game they'd played, the game he'd lost. Attempting to gain leverage once again, to assert that he was still in control, he spoke.

"So you've got me as an accomplice to kidnapping, what's the sentence for that?" He brushed it off as if it were nothing.

"I've done longer stints on my own volition in the past. You're never going to get what you really want." His voice was low and deadly.

"Detective Beckett." Gates stated her name, "We know you put her in that room, and we know you left her in there." Gates lowered her own tone to match his.

"Yeah, but she's alive. Nobody died in that room." He was vicious and once again, overconfident.

"Now that, Mr. Tyson, is where you're wrong."


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all for your reviews. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Pretty sure I never will.**

* * *

News of Tyson's arrest was welcome and it provided a sense of relief to both Castle and Beckett, who could now focus on her recovery without the threat of a madman hovering around them. It would likely be a long and drawn-out process, and unsurprisingly, Tyson had acquired a lawyer. Nevertheless, the judge was wise enough to not grant bail, deeming the man too much of a flight risk. In the days since his arrest the boys continued to update Castle and Beckett on the proceedings.

"They've got him in Administrative Segregation to ensure that he doesn't disappear the way he likes to." Even behind bars they didn't trust him. Ryan informed them of the extra precautions taken when he stopped by the hospital with his partner.

Kate couldn't help but let out an ironic laugh. "Leave him there for a month, see how he likes it." She spat out. Castle was glad to see her expressing anger so openly, as it was a sign that in addition to her increasing strength, she was healing emotionally as well.

"They'll be keeping him under maximum security, regardless." Esposito reassured the both of them, "he's not going anywhere this time."

Castle nodded. It appeared that all measures were being taken to ensure that Tyson would face the consequences of his actions; if not as the triple killer than at least as a man who'd committed a federal crime when he took Beckett against her will. There would be no trouble convincing a jury of his involvement. The issue of the unborn child would be slightly more complicated, legally speaking, but time would tell.

Still, there were weeks if not months between where they stood and any possible trial, and with Tyson behind bars their attention shifted towards helping Beckett along in her recovery process.

* * *

Kate was soon walking. In fact, she was healing much more rapidly than the doctors predicted. Then again, they hadn't taken into consideration the spirit, drive and tenacity that was Kate Beckett. It was only short distances, and many times she would need to pause and grab things to support herself or re-gain balance, but Kate was walking. It gave her a sense of empowerment, the first in a long time. Castle watched her with pride, giving her enough room to move, to be independent, but close enough to catch her if she fell. She didn't.

Happy with her progress and satisfied by her blood levels, the doctors removed her feeding tube earlier that morning. Now it was time for her to try to eat and drink. Kate was restricted to liquids and pureed food, and could only take small amounts before feeling full, but it was progress. The doctor informed her that they would likely still supplement her in the evenings, just to help her continue gaining weight. Kate had no objection, as she didn't have any appetite or desire to eat and it didn't appear that she was in a place to consume enough calories by mouth quite yet anyway.

"It's completely normal for your stomach to handle small amounts of pureed food at this stage, it's just another step in the re-feeding process. You're doing great, better than great in fact." The doctor encouraged her. The older man gave her a supportive pat on the shoulder, smiling warmly to her as if she were his own daughter. Kate smiled in reciprocation, comforted by the kind man that had taken charge of overseeing her recovery. She was glad to know she was on the mend.

For the most part Kate was able to sleep at night and be awake in the day, although she still was napping considerably. Her return to a normal circadian rhythm was something else the doctors were encouraged by.

She was alert, oriented and that afternoon, Kate Beckett was on a mission.

"Castle," She spoke. He looked up to her from the book he was reading and smiled. While the book had been entertaining, she was captivating. Every word that they spoke was a treasure to him as of late; especially considering that Kate still didn't say much. She was considerably better with following conversations and attending to her environment though. He also suspected that speaking with a therapist was helping. It seemed that her brain was slowly acclimating back to life in the outside world.

Beckett was standing by the chair near the bathroom, digging through some of the things Martha brought over from the loft with one hand and supporting her weight against the chair with the other. Finding Kate supplies at the loft had been easy. There wasn't any need to go to her old apartment, as nothing essential was kept there. For all intents and purposes, she'd been living with the writer for nearly a year now.

"Do you need help?" Castle answered her, regarding how frail she looked while gleaming with pride that she was standing on her own at all. All the clothes she wore, her own clothes, were still too large for her frame. Nevertheless, she was strong and she was beautiful. He wore a gentle smile.

"I want to bathe... on my own." She spoke. A look of concern spread across his face, and Kate quickly clarified.

"I want to shower without the nurses helping me. I want to feel normal." Castle smiled at her, understanding now what she was asking before the words came.

"Will you help me?" She stated, somewhat shyly. Kate had never been shy about her body, at least not since she was a teenager. Further, Castle was as familiar with the details of her body as she was. Kate had honestly lost count of the amount of times she and Castle had showered together, both to get clean and to do _other_ things.

This time was different. This time Kate was asking him for help showering because she knew she couldn't do it herself. She was still not strong enough to support her body for long periods of time, was prone to dizzy spells and couldn't yet lift her arms above her head. This time she needed him to _help_ her shower. Kate hated the vulnerability already. _My beauty and strength attracted him. What have I got to offer now? _She banished the irrational thought as soon as it entered her mind. Yet hints of insecurity lingered.

For his part, Castle tried to handle her request flirtatiously, as he would have done in any other circumstance. It was a thinly veiled attempt to make her feel a little bit more like herself. He wanted to capture some independence for her, and he wanted her to feel wanted. In his attempt to mask the true reason for her asking him, her vulnerability, he responded.

"When have you ever needed to ask me twice to get you in the shower? I'd be more than happy to give you a good rub down Beckett." He winked at her. They both knew that there wasn't a chance of anything remotely sexual happening in that shower, she simply wasn't up to the task- neither mentally nor physically. Yet his statement earned a smile from her.

Able to feel a little bit more normal, a bit more like her independent and confidant self, Kate responded, "then come help me, pervert."

Castle smiled and moved to her, catching up to her slow-moving body before she could reach the bathroom. He stroked his fingers up her back soothingly, encouraging Kate to take her time. "We're in no hurry." He reminded her. They could banter all they wanted, it didn't change the reality of her dependence on others for help.

Once in the bathroom, Castle helped her to undress quickly and set the water temperature, bringing the shower into full spray before turning back to face her. He noticed how her body quivered at his touch, how she reacted without ability to stop, or mask her response. It wasn't attraction, but it wasn't revulsion. It was simply Kate acclimating to his touch, to anyone's touch on her bare skin once again.

His hand was large and warm, and the firm yet comforting presence of his palm on her hip, fingers splayed across her ribs, centered her. Soon Kate was leaning into the sink, using the basin there to support her body as she caught her breath. Even leaning on objects for support was trying, as she no longer had the muscle mass in her arms to support the weight of her body.

Beckett knew that only time, namely time and physical therapy would change that. Patience had never been strength of hers, but this experience was forcing her to learn its virtues all the same.

Kate raised her head and stared at her reflection in the mirror. It was the first time she'd truly seen herself, or the limited parts she could see in the bathroom mirror, since the kidnapping. The last time Kate recalled looking in a mirror was on the day she was supposed to marry Castle. She was filled with the anger and grief that accompanied thinking about their lost wedding. A lot had changed since that day.

She swallowed back her tears, feeling horrified that she didn't recognize the woman in the mirror. Her skin was ashen and there were purplish circles under her eyes, her cheeks were more hallowed out than she'd ever seen them. It was sickening. _If I look this way now, what did Castle see when he found me in that room?_ _How is he able to look at me now?_ The thoughts came to her suddenly, disarming her and filling her with a foreign sense of self-consciousness.

"You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." His voice came from behind her, causing her shift her gaze from her reflection in the mirror to his, standing behind her. Kate found it was easy to distract herself with his eyes, the purest of blue. _It always was easy to get lost in those eyes, _Kate thought. From time to time she was reminded of how hard she fought her attraction to him, especially before she realized that what she felt was the real thing.

Castle reflected on the way his fiancé stared at herself and commented. "It will pass. You're getting stronger each day, you'll start to look and feel like yourself again." He placed his hands on both of her forearms, bringing her to look at herself once more. The mirror only allowed Beckett to see her face, neck, shoulders and sternum. She could see her bullet wound, but nothing below. Kate couldn't even truly see her breasts. She wasn't sure she wanted to.

With a squeeze of his hands she was looking back to his face once again, his eyes, "If you don't like what you see than look at me, see what I see. I can think you're beautiful for the both of us." He whispered, causing Kate's eyes to water. He was right, when she let herself get lost in him she couldn't focus on anything else. In that moment Kate swore she'd fallen in love with him all over again.

"Shower." He spoke, prompting them both to move once again. _When did he strip?_, she wondered to herself as she walked to the shower, allowing him to support her body completely. The good thing about hospitals, or at least this one, was that there wasn't a tub for her to climb into. She could simply walk and pull back the curtain.

When Kate stepped forward she saw a shower chair and was relieved. Her body was starting to give out, causing her legs to tremble in their effort to support her.

"Sit, you know I like to start with hair and it's easier if I can look down at you to do it." Castle spoke, allowing her to let go of some of the struggle that was required to hold herself up. They both knew that he was disguising _her_ need to sit with his desire to wash her hair, but neither said a word.

For several moments Kate closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of his fingers on her scalp as he massaged the shampoo into her hair. He handed her a wash cloth and squirted her favorite shower gel into it, allowing her the freedom to wash the parts of herself that she could reach as he went to work with her hair. Again, Beckett was glad to be participating, to be caring for herself, even if it wasn't completely on her own yet. These were small steps and the detective would have to live with that.

She thought back to three summers ago, to how she'd struggled with so many things alone. Kate held her pain in silence then, recovering slowly and painfully in her father's cabin. She was a different person, one who didn't know how to let people in; one who knew no other way than taking on the world alone. She couldn't break old patterns and let go of the isolation despite wanting nothing more than Castle. Kate knew that without Rick she would still be that person. _ There's no way I would have survived this without him_, she acknowledged as she washed herself absent-mindedly. _There wouldn't have been anything to fight for._ Indeed, Castle was worth fighting for.

Kate closed her eyes, relishing in the sensation of Castle's fingers against her scalp. They were fingers that knew every inch of her, and she loved how they comforted and teased her. They belonged to hands that showed her kindness and love, and like her mother when she was a child, the feel of his fingers massaging into her scalp made her feel calm, secure and incredibly loved.

Castle took longer than was necessary, both because he knew she wasn't ready or able to stand yet and because he knew she loved to have her hair washed. It reminded her of happier times, when their physical relationship was new and they took hours at a time just exploring one another's bodies. Through touching, movement, smelling and tasting, they'd become experts on one another; forming an intimacy that neither had ever shared with another person.

The result was that he was fluent in the language of her body, making the simple act of washing hair into something so much more profound for the both of them. Soon, Castle pulled the shower from its hook and began to rinse the shampoo. He handed her the shower head, adding conditioner while she rinsed soap from the parts of her body she'd washed.

Kate was able to wash her breasts, stomach, arms and thighs. Castle would need to help her with her back, lower legs and feet, as she lacked the balance or flexibility to do so for herself. After rinsing her hair, he helped her to stand once again. With his fingers placed gently yet securely on her hips, he supported her weight and helped her to stand.

Once on her feet, Kate handed him the wash cloth and leaned slightly forward, grasping the metal bar in the shower stall for added support. She refused to open her eyes, not ready or willing to look down at her own body. Seeing the changes in her face had been traumatic enough and Kate simply wasn't ready for the sight of the rest of her body yet.

Castle quickly lathered her back, bottom, legs and feet, rinsing her down before allowing her to lean against him fully. The shower was now soaking them both, easing the pair with a warm and steady spray.

With another squirt of her body wash, Kate took the cloth from Castle and moved to clean her thighs, moving from outside to inside slowly. Her long arms made the reach easy enough, and the thick and soapy wash cloth buffered her hands from the feel of her skin- from the unfamiliar way her ribs and hip bones protruded in this now foreign body she possessed.

Castle distracted her from thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her in those moments by a simple gesture. He moved his hand to join hers, lacing their fingers as they both now grasped the wash cloth. Together they washed the most private parts of her, driving home that their intimacy was something not even a psychopath like Tyson could take from them.

Kate shifted against him, turning her head to face his neck and brushing her nose against the skin there. Her face was just out of the shower's spray, allowing her to breathe him in as she let him to take control and finish washing her. It was a complete surrender of her body, and he accepted her trust willingly and carefully.

Kate watched Castle's face as he worked; noting that there was no trace of pity or disgust there, just love. It filled her with warmth and with a sense of hope. Like in so many other ways, Beckett was reminded that they were simply engaging in giving and taking; providing comfort, love and support the way that true partners did.

For the first time since her nightmare began, Kate remembered that Castle was hers. She was reminded that this man would someday soon be her husband, that they were going to marry anyhow. The triple killer would rot in prison, and they would spend the rest of their lives together. With each small step they would build the future that Tyson had tried and failed to take away.

* * *

**AN: I enjoyed this chapter. Specifically, I'm enjoying telling a bit more from Kate's perspective now that she's starting to recover. We'll shift more and more into her head as the healing continues. I suspect this will be the longest story I've written. More soon. **


	17. Chapter 17

As Kate continued to recover the doctors became more and more impressed. She was steadily eating small amounts of simple foods and drinking on her own throughout the day. The therapist continued to come daily to provide Kate a confidential outlet for her fear and her anger, her grief and anxiety. Sometimes she would speak to the therapist. On other days, her bad days, she would simply sit in silence.

"Kate?" The woman asked on one of her silent days. "Is there anything in particular on your mind?"

Beckett reflected on the clinician, who insisted Kate call her Susan as opposed to Doctor Porter. She didn't appear to be much older than Beckett herself. Kate also noted that the woman was married, judging by the silver band and diamond ring set on her left ring finger. The therapist always wore her dark, curly hair short, resting just above her shoulders. She was pretty, and her demeanor was inviting. She had soft, round curves and Kate couldn't help but compare herself to the woman.

Although Beckett was never as curvy as her therapist, as her work with the NYPD left her muscular and angled, she imagined that if she'd chosen a career that was less physical she might look like the woman in front of her. _Had I become a lawyer, would I look like this? _ She wondered absent-mindedly. Kate found that her thoughts were often scattered these days, randomly jumping from one topic to the other.

"How old are you?" Kate asked suddenly. She wasn't sure if that was ok, if it was acceptable to ask such personal questions.

"I'm 32." The woman, Susan answered without hesitation. Kate smirked. She was older than this woman. It was odd to think about being helped by someone who was younger than she was, even if it was just a couple of years. Then Kate thought about the families of all her victims. _I suppose I do the same nearly every day._

"Kate." Susan stated this time, bringing the detective back to the present moment. "You seem a bit distracted today." _When am I not distracted?_ Kate thought wryly. Sometimes she wished her racing brain would just shut off and give her a moment's rest. Then again, sometimes it would just stop, causing her to lose her train of thought mid-sentence. It was frustrating either way.

"When can I go home?" Beckett asked, deciding that it was as good a time as any to bring up the issue. She was walking short distances, eating, drinking and even using the bathroom on her own. Everything seemed to be working physically.

"Do you think you're ready to go home?" The therapist pressed.

"I don't see why not." Kate answered. "Can the hospital really do anything for me that I can't do on my own at this point?"

It was a fair question. While they were still supplementing her diet, they'd now switched from intravenous fluids and feeding tubes to high protein drinks. She could drink a shake at home.

"What do you think it will be like, getting back out into the world again?" Susan questioned Kate, attempting to gauge how much Beckett had thought about life outside of the hospital.

"Well," Beckett stated, "I know that we won't be returning to the loft." Susan simply waited for Kate to elaborate.

"After learning about where I was… that Tyson had me in the basement…" Kate stalled, thinking back to how disturbed she'd been, horrified really, upon discovering that she'd been right under Castle's nose the whole time. She thought back to what she could remember of her captivity, to those few lucid moments when she desperately wanted to see Rick, if only once more.

"All I wanted was to be home again, and it turned out I already was." Kate spat out, no small hint of irony in her voice. She could feel the tears burning her eyes, threatening to make themselves known. She did not want to cry.

"Was that really home, Kate?" Susan pressed her. It was the first time they'd addressed this aspect of her trauma directly.

"I was in the same physical building as Castle. The whole time, we were mere floors apart. I don't know how much closer you get. Would it be any more _home_ if Tyson had hidden me in a closet in the loft?" She was angry and defensive. Susan took it in stride.

"What I'm asking, Kate, is if you think the building alone is home. Would the loft be home if Castle weren't there?"

"What?" Kate asked. _What the hell does this have to do with anything?_ She wondered.

"Well, if you'd been in the basement of your old apartment, would it have been any better?"

"Yes." Kate shot back.

"Why?" The therapist pressed her.

"Because Castle wouldn't have been _right_ there, so close, yet unable to find me." That was the heart of the matter, the cruelty that Tyson had committed when he'd placed Kate so close to Rick. She shouldn't have expected anything less.

"So, Castle seems to be the central factor."

"Central factor in what?" Kate was getting frustrated with Susan. _Stop talking in circles and get to the point_, Kate wanted to say but didn't. The detective could recall working with Dr. Burke, who did the same thing. It annoyed her then too.

"Well. It seems that home isn't a building at all, but Castle." Kate simply stared at her, not gracing the obvious statement with a response and instead waiting for Susan to continue.

"Kate, if home is where Castle is, why should a building matter? Why would the loft be any less home? If he's there with you, why avoid it?" Susan spoke.

"I'm not avoiding the loft because of me." Kate explained, piquing Susan's curiosity.

"I'm avoiding the loft because of Castle. He's the one who doesn't want to be in that place. He's spent every night here with me. He showers here, he _lives_ here. He tries to disguise his behavior, tells me that he wants to be here to support me, but I know him. He can't go back to that place and if I press it, he will despite himself." Beckett finally stopped rambling.

"I don't want to go back to the loft because it doesn't represent us anymore. It doesn't represent our family...only what we lost." She spoke.

"The baby?" Susan asked.

Kate flinched, her eyes darting to Susan at the mention of the baby. "No. Not the baby." Susan knew that the baby was off limits. Beckett was simply not in a place to deal with it yet, so she didn't press. There was enough trauma to work through.

"The loft represents the happiness that we had before. The happiness we should have had that day. It reminds Castle that he failed."

"Do you think Castle failed?"

"Of course not." Kate snapped again. It really was a bad day. "But he does."

"Did he tell you that?"

"He didn't have to tell me that. I know him. I know the guilt he carries, I see it in his eyes...but he isn't ready to go there yet." Kate was right. Castle was still carrying around a great deal of unnecessary guilt, and despite her telling him that he was not to blame, and despite him acknowledging that, he still carried it like a hundred pound weight on his shoulders. He lived with the reality of losing her and she with the burden of losing their child. Both had a lot of healing to do.

"Do you think it would help if he came to therapy?" Susan asked.

"I think it would help if we could go home." Kate shot back, although there was no anger in her voice, she was assertive in her earlier point. It was time to leave this place. She couldn't imagine moving past this place, in therapy or not, unless they could physically move on.

"Where would home be, if not the loft?"

"Castle suggested we go to the Hamptons. It's a place that only has happy memories for the both of us." _Despite the body in the pool incident_. She smiled at the thought.

"There are doctors, physical therapists and even counselors there. If you could make a referral, we could really start the process of moving on." Kate insisted.

Susan considered her, taking notes as Kate spoke.

"I'll speak with your doctors." Susan promised.

* * *

Susan held true to her promise. Later that day the doctor entered Kate's room. It was the same kind man that Beckett had come to trust. He reminded her of a cross between her father and her grandfather, who had long ago passed.

"I understand that you're ready to leave us." He spoke with a pleased tone in his voice. Kate simply nodded.

"I think I can do it at home." Kate replied.

"Well, you're in good physical condition to do so. As long as you continue to build your strength through regular physical therapy and as long as you agree to continue to see a counselor of your choosing, I see no reason why you can't go home." He stated.

"Really?" Castle interjected, his voice filled with surprise. The thought of leaving hadn't really crossed his mind, and on the rare occasion that it did he brushed it aside.

"We've been waiting on a release from the psychologist, Mr. Castle. She's been doing well on her own for nearly a week, she's eating, her digestive system is working, and her muscle strength will return with time and physical therapy. At this point she can do all of this outside of the walls of the hospital, as long as she's feeling ready." The doctor looked back to Kate for confirmation.

"I'm ready." Kate spoke firmly.

"Now, I want you to understand that leaving the walls of this hospital will not make you suddenly stronger or more capable. You're still going to have to put in the work, you're still going to need patience in order to recover. The biggest factor from here on out is time, Kate. Do you understand that?" Kate nodded, willing to agree with anything the doctor said if it meant she could leave.

"I'm serious. This will continue to be a slow process, and while you'll be in a more comfortable setting, you'll still need to take it slow. You'll still be reliant on others to help you. You need to let them help you, Kate." The doctor pressed. _Apparently, he knows me better than I thought he did. _Kate reflected, surprised by the level of familiarity the doctor had with her personality.

Kate took his words to heart, but believed she was ready, and she wouldn't be alone. Castle would be there with her the whole time. If she needed greater intervention she knew they could hire help. Still, Beckett didn't think it would come to that.

"You will be expected to check in regularly with a doctor for physical exams, weight monitoring and to have your blood drawn. It's important that your nutrient levels are checked. If they don't stay in balance you'll find yourself right back here." He informed her with the authoritative tone of a parent.

Beckett nodded. She was willing to do anything to get out of there. She needed to feel normal again.

"Ok then. I'll have a nurse come to take your blood. We'll check your levels one more time. If all is well then let's plan to release you in the morning." Kate smiled.

Castle was happy for his fiancé, but was also slightly nervous_. Is she really ready? What if something goes wrong? Am I ready for this?_ He wondered to himself. In the hospital they were surrounded by support staff, and they were continuously focused on her recovery. They lived in this artificial bubble with a routine that pressed them on from day to day. In the real world they would have to start living again, and Castle wasn't quite sure where to start.

Nevertheless, he smiled to Kate as she squeezed his hand with relief and excitement. _She needs this._ He reminded himself. _She needs to feel normal if we're ever going to move beyond this._

* * *

It was slightly past 6pm when her blood work came back. All levels were within normal limits and Kate was given the ok to be released in the morning. To celebrate, her friends stopped by to wish her well. Martha had come earlier in the afternoon, making herself useful by starting to pack up Kate's things. The detective smiled gratefully. She'd even gotten out of bed for a while to help Martha with the packing.

Later that afternoon, Lanie brought a small smoothie and was pleased to see Kate taking sips. Little did the medical examiner know that they were simply for her benefit. Beckett still had no true desire to eat beyond the need for survival.

Everyone knew that once out of the hospital, Castle and Beckett would be leaving the city for the Hamptons. So they made the most out of their time together.

"You're going to enjoy this vacation, right?" Lanie asked cheerfully.

"A summer on the beach is not too shabby." Esposito chimed in. It seemed like a good strategy to ease some of the pressure off of Beckett; so they normalized their leaving the city as much as possible. It was starting to irritate Kate that everyone skated around what happened, but she would rather avoid the subject than talk about it anyway, so she took their words in stride.

"I always did love the beach." Kate smiled, squeezing Castle's hand. He squeezed back, leaning in to kiss her brow. He found it funny how easy it was to show her affection in front of others. Especially considering that she'd resisted such actions in the past.

"We'll be joining them too." Martha smiled, offering her support.

Alexis entered the room shortly after Lanie had. She took a seat at the edge of Kate's bed, her fingers finding Kate's and squeezing them in the only form of support the red-head knew to give. Beckett smiled in acknowledgement. Afterall, her abduction had been traumatic for all.

The most difficult part of leaving the hospital and the city would be leaving her father. Although he was invited to come and stay, it would be weeks before he would have the time off from work to do so.

"As soon as we lay this civil suit to rest, Katie; I'll be there as soon as possible." He stood where Castle was moments before, as the writer backed off to give Kate a moment with her father. Kate nodded to her dad and smiled. He'd been working on the same case, taking on a pharmaceutical company, for months. Her abduction had already taken him away from it too much.

"You'll be alright." Jim Beckett stated, as much to comfort himself as his daughter.

"Castle will be with me the whole time, and we've got some great contacts in the Hamptons. I'll check in with the doctors as soon as we settle in, I promise." Kate insisted.

Her father hugged her firmly, kissing her brow before making his way out of the hospital room. Before he left, he paused and whispered to Castle. "Take care of my little girl."

"Always." He promised, gazing lovingly at Kate.

* * *

Lanie and Esposito said their goodbyes shortly after Martha and Alexis, who would be joining them the following week in the Hamptons. It was nearly 30 minutes after everyone else left when a soft knock sounded at the door. Ryan made his way in with Jenny in tow.

"Hey." Ryan smiled, "We thought that we would come by to wish you well before you headed out."

"I'll bet you're ready to be out of here." Jenny smiled to Kate. She held a baby girl in her arms.

"We thought that Sarah Grace might want to say goodbye to her Godmother." Ryan spoke, looking to Jenny with a smile on his face.

Kate had been floored when they'd approached she and Castle to be their baby girl's godparents. Jenny insisted that because they were going to be married and starting a family, the couple made perfect sense. Although she was uncomfortable with the prospect, Castle had been so honored and excited that she hadn't had the heart to turn them down.

Castle made eye-contact with Ryan, conveying his discomfort with their decision to bring the baby to the hospital. He wasn't sure Kate was ready for a baby, even Sarah Grace, considering everything that had conspired in the past weeks. Ryan's face paled considerably as he cursed himself for not considering the loss of their own unborn child.

She sensed their unease, but Kate would have none of that. Instead she reached out for the infant, prompting Jenny to move toward her and settle Sarah Grace snugly into her arms. The detective wore a soft, whimsical expression as she looked down at her goddaughter. It was a bittersweet sensation. _I didn't even know I wanted a baby, that I was ready to be a mother, until I lost him. _Kate thought sadly to herself, holding the infant a little more tightly.

There was no evidence that the child Kate lost was a boy, other than a sense Kate had about it. They both decided that it was best to know as little as possible about the baby, who was incredibly early in development anyhow. Still, the loss stung; it was felt by the both of them as a profound emptiness.

Kate leaned in and kissed Sarah's brow, inhaling her scent for just a moment. She loved the warmth of her, the soft feel of a baby in her arms. It was the first time Kate had ever felt that way. Even after Sarah Grace was born, holding her was a bit awkward. Beckett recalled feeling more curious and unsure than sentimental and maternal. Yet holding her now, sitting in a hospital bed and feeling the baby's tiny fingers grasp her own, Kate knew something had changed.

Her eyes filled with tears and she looked back up to Castle, and then to Ryan and Jenny.

"Thank you." She spoke. Her emotion-laden voice was just above a whisper. "This is exactly what I needed."

And it was. Kate understood in that moment that losing their unborn child was a wake up call. She realized that she didn't want to wait any longer. She wanted to have a baby with Castle, to start their own family, and she wanted it to happen soon.

Despite their struggles, and despite the fact that Kate knew her body was not currently capable of pregnancy, she now felt that she had another thing to live for. She wanted to live for their family, for the child that she and Castle would one day have.

* * *

***AON: There can be fallout when one rushes recovery.**

**P.S. AON (Author's Ominous Note)**


End file.
